a tired walk....

kinda tired this morning as i headed for my walk.
it's been hard to walk as there hasn't been much
room because of the snow and that's now either really
dirty or really muddy. so i've barely been makin
it for my around the block walks.

today tho, as i rounded the corner, i got the pull
to go up to my goodmorningworld spot.

i felt the nudge, and just turned that way. then saw
all the water, mud, thought of the cars and tryin'
not to get hit, and i started turning back.

terri! you felt the pull! what's wrong with you?
go!

oh. yeah. okay.

and i'm tired. so i'm kinda in another world. one
that's interesting. one that is quiet inside and can
feel the nudges/pulls easily.

just as i got near the biggest puddle, which really
could be called a lake, a car came whizzin' down the
road, barreling straight for it! i stopped. looked
around. no place to get out of the way. i backed up
a few paces and just watched.

the driver saw me (hard to miss in the bright orange
jacket), saw the puddle and i could just feel their
realization take place. they stepped on the brake.
slowed way way down and crept thru the puddle. i stood
there and laughed and loved them. the whole thing,
amazingly enough, made me feel good all the way thru.
funny. something so stupid could feel so great. i love
to laugh with strangers.

got to my corner. wow. so many cars on that highway.
i stood there. must be cause i'm tired, i thought....
but they seem faster and louder. think it's cause
everything's wet. it sounds different.

i just stared at the highway. feels like all of
america is out on it this morning. it's a road across
america, i thought. and my imagination kicked in.
my gosh, it doesn't take much.

and then as i was getting carried away and watching,
they stopped coming. must be the stop light around the
corner. ohhhhh so quiet now. so much for the road
across america. the quiet almost seemed sacred. leave
now. while it's quiet.

i turned to walk home and leave the corner to enjoy
its quiet for just a moment.

as i headed back, i heard a mom really yellin' at her
kid. my gosh, it pierced my heart. i actually felt it.
wow, i thought. no one should ever be talked to like
that. and i felt the pain of the kid.

passed the house where the woman on her own lives. i
had passed her earlier and watched her tip toe thru the
mud in her driveway. she has no pavement, so it's pretty
mucky out there. as i had walked by and said hello, she
couldn't get her car door open. asked her if she needed
a hand. nah, she'd just go in from the other side. i
laughed. i knew that deal. as i walked by her house again,
i thought of how i always rooted for her. she's a woman
on her own, and i just feel a kinship there, and wish
good things for her every time i walk by her house. i
thought how cool that was. i didn't do it on purpose. it
just happened. every single time i passed her house.

i was thinking about life. the kid getting screamed at,
the woman on her own, the crowds on the highway, my muddy
neighborhood which really didn't look so good, when i
hit the sky's stage. ohhhh i looked up and gasped at the
sky. it looked like a god sky.

i wondered at my reaction. and remembered a tacky religious
book i used to like when i was small. it had a picture of
the sky in it just like that. how cool. i totally remembered
that book i hadn't thought of in forever.i loved it as a kid.
a god sky. great description.

i looked at my neighborhood. and yeah, i gotta say, this morning
it verged on ugly and i looked up at the god sky.

life is such a mix.
i don't buy it's all good, it's all joy.
i don't buy that at all.
i think a ton of it is pain and struggle and hard.
at the same time i think a ton of it is joy and goodness
and ease.

it's a mixture.
and it's what we do with the mixture that will make it either
struggle and hardship or joy and happiness. that part's up to
us.

i felt my heart.
i could still feel the zing from that woman screamin' at her
kid. it was still there. lingering.

as it should be, i thought. that should not be taken lightly.

take that, and go love your sons.
take the pains into the good.
mix it all around.....the mud and the god sky......
mix it all around.....and hold this life that's yours.

i headed in my front door.....ready to snuggle into my day.