uneasy

so okay, three different things happened
to me this weekend that kinda opened my eyes
to my inner workings or something.

not sure how to explain it.

but what happened was it all left me feeling
way like an alien.

i really don't like feelin' like an alien.

but here i am.
feelin' like one.

it's not a real trusting spot to be in.

i'm kinda suspicious of life.
of me.
it's a different twist on self doubt, i think.

so i walked and wondered.
and decided that this is where i'm at right now
and that instead of wallowing in the feeling,
why not just know i've got it and try something
different.

like trusting thru it.

like saying 'okay, maybe i am an alien.
maybe just maybe i don't fit anywhere. and maybe
i'll trust that. and trust life. it's led me to
some really good places. let me just trust while
i feel insecure here.'

and i think i really like this idea.

and i think i can make it just more than words.

i think i can do it.

so i'm feelin' a little weird this morning.
uneasy.
but thinking i'm going to take that uneasy feeling
and hand it to the universe.

and go concentrate on what i need to do today.
at the same time...i wanna watch.

cause i feel like there's something to watch for.
even if i don't know what it is.....