contrasts

it was her biggest gig yet.
she was the opening act for another act.

and she was excited and nervous and thrilled.

so we gathered to go see her, to support her, and to rejoice with her.

she started off good, but perhaps a little nervous.
my guy leaned over and whispered in my ear 'she's nervous.'
i nodded.
and then maybe ten seconds later, she was fully there.
he leaned back over.
'she's got it now! she hit her spot!'

and we both smiled.
i was glued to her.
and i wasn't the only one.
another whisper from my guy about how she could come in
and own the room. i glanced around at the audience.
she had 'em.

she didn't play too long.
certainly not long enough for me.
when the headliner came on.

i'm not gonna name him, cause i really didn't like him.

he was obviously talented and that wasn't lost on me.
but my gosh, i REALLY didn't like him.

i found him depressing, negative and self absorbed.

three songs in, my guy turned to me yet again and let me know that
whenever i wanted to leave was fine with him.
i grinned. what a difference in him from watching my friend.
good.
let's go.

i ran to the bathroom and met him at the door.
along with another friend of ours.
i was surprised to see her there. i thought for sure she'd stay
for the whole thing.

i asked her about it and she exclaimed that she felt old and depressed
now from the music and had to leave. i laughed.

we talked about it all on the way out and the way home.
all agreeing that our friend was astounding and the other was depressing.

and here's the big thing that i took home with me from watching my
friend's performance and part of the performance after her...

while yes, my friend has the talent to really be on the stage performing,
that's not what she's bringing to us. it's not her talent. (altho, that enables
her to keep our attention).....it's who she is. it's what she wants to offer.
it's her heart. it truly truly is her heart and her soul. she's honestly offering
her light. humbly, graciously, authentically offering who she is. and you
can't hide that when you're singing from your depths.

the guy after her was talented. but who he was wasn't anything i wanted
to hold. i wanted to get away from his energy. i didn't want to support it.

so i've been thinking about this.
is it just that some people have beautiful light and they offer it and some
people have icky gray and they offer that? and it's the luck of the draw?

absolutely not.
we may all start out with beautiful light when we're newborn.
i think we must.
but so many things happen to darken that light.
we all have our stories.
it's up to us to uncover it, polish it, make it grow.

so while my friend has to practice her scales or her chords or whatever it
is she practices............it's also the inner work that she does, the inner reflections,
the growing her light that makes her work what it is.

she brings who she is to the stage.
and who that is will knock your socks off.

this has made a big impression on me.

what is it you want to offer to the world?
what kind of impact do you want it to have?
positive? negative? light? dark?
are you living it?

cause i think it's the living it that makes the impact when you offer.

all these thoughts swirling created a sentence echoing in my head this morning -
'every choice matters.'

what is it you choose?