Sunday, November 1, 2009

what a moment....

it was a rare moment.
at first i was wishing it so didn't happen.
but it turned out to be the biggest moment i've
had in a long time.

a memory from when i was molested as a little
girl popped into my head. big time.
bam. right there as if i was there.

apparently, i made a face.
bob was with me. he saw the face.
asked what was up.

nothin'. i said.
no. what's up? he asked.
nothin'. i said.
no. what's up? he tried again.

i told him.
he held me. asked me something about it.
i didn't want to answer.
he honored that and went in another direction.
all the time holding me.

i apologized.
told him it just caught me off guard.
give me a minute to put it down, and i'd be fine.

and then.......the most healing thing happened.
he held me and talked to me about it.
and as he held me, i could feel my inner child
curling up with us and being held too.

i could feel it.

i had tried to heal this on my own.
done pretty good. altho it has so many layers.
but still....pretty good.
but i tell previous healing felt
like this.

it sorta made sense to me.....
some man years and years and years ago left
a scar. and now, a good...incredibly good man
was holding me. a man i trusted like no other.
and he was talking to me about this and holding
me thru it.

did i need that trusted man and his love to reach
a new level of healing?

i had never even thought of that.
but i think maybe i did.
what happened wasn't just about me.
it was about me and a man.

to feel my inner child curl up with us was a moment
i don't think i'll ever forget.

i closed my eyes. put my arm around her just as he
had his arm around me. i snuggled close to both
of them and concentrated on what i have now.
and put the other down.

i'm sure there are layers from that time when i was
a kid that will pop up here and there my whole life.
but i'm also sure that some kinda healing that was
really deep just took place.

what a moment.
and to think i started out so mad that it happened....

now i'm so grateful i had it.


faerian said...

honouring little Teri and the huge step she took

and the wisdom and grace in big Terri to let her have this healing and to bring her to the place that it could happen!

Patricia Michael Melnice said...

Ter, it took years for me to connect with my inner child. I'm so happy you have a good man like that to help protect her. We are a work in progress, right? Much love to you on this Sunday night. Funny, I found a swing set to swing on today . . . I guess I connected with my inner child today too.
Love and joy.

AlmightyHeidi said...

I had no giving little ter..and big ter..a hug. There are people..out there like virtual me..that love ya, and think you are the most beautiful jewel ever to be found. You are amazing and wonderful..and the most amazing you.