what a moment....

it was a rare moment.
at first i was wishing it so didn't happen.
but it turned out to be the biggest moment i've
had in a long time.

a memory from when i was molested as a little
girl popped into my head. big time.
bam. right there as if i was there.

apparently, i made a face.
bob was with me. he saw the face.
asked what was up.

nothin'. i said.
no. what's up? he asked.
nothin'. i said.
no. what's up? he tried again.

i told him.
he held me. asked me something about it.
i didn't want to answer.
he honored that and went in another direction.
all the time holding me.

i apologized.
told him it just caught me off guard.
give me a minute to put it down, and i'd be fine.

and then.......the most healing thing happened.
he held me and talked to me about it.
and as he held me, i could feel my inner child
curling up with us and being held too.

i could feel it.

i had tried to heal this on my own.
done pretty good. altho it has so many layers.
but still....pretty good.
but i tell ya.......no previous healing felt
like this.

it sorta made sense to me.....
some man years and years and years ago left
a scar. and now, a good...incredibly good man
was holding me. a man i trusted like no other.
and he was talking to me about this and holding
me thru it.

did i need that trusted man and his love to reach
a new level of healing?

i had never even thought of that.
but i think maybe i did.
what happened wasn't just about me.
it was about me and a man.

to feel my inner child curl up with us was a moment
i don't think i'll ever forget.

i closed my eyes. put my arm around her just as he
had his arm around me. i snuggled close to both
of them and concentrated on what i have now.
and put the other down.

i'm sure there are layers from that time when i was
a kid that will pop up here and there my whole life.
but i'm also sure that some kinda healing that was
really deep just took place.

what a moment.
and to think i started out so mad that it happened....

now i'm so grateful i had it.