the mud slides of life

i've mentioned it here earlier.
how life has just been pokin' at me.
it's odd.
i really don't remember a week like this before.

seems like every time i turned around,
out of the blue,
something else was pokin' at me.

yesterday hit the final straw when i got a note i really didn't appreciate.

i thought 'WHAT IS THIS?!!'

i answered kindly but firmly.
and spoke my truth.

that always feels empowering to me.
i guess cause i lived enough of my life where i didn't.
so that always feels good now.

and i told myself i wasn't doin' business with people
like this.

which was a big deal as they were a source
of some good income for me.

'i don't care' i thought.
i'm not doin' this.

the money isn't gonna take me down.
i'm gonna do what feels right.
i knew it.
i meant it.
and i knew i'd be fine.

that in itself was really empowering.
really empowering.

turns out there was a misunderstanding, he wrote back
and apologized and that all smoothed itself out.
and i really don't care one way or another.
which is way cool.

in the meantime, my deciding that i wanted better in
my life turned into something powerful for me.

i have a TON OF GOOD.
just a ton.

so the not so good stands out.

and i've been thinking about it.
it's been a lotta years building my life here.
and i've only been growing.
i really am growing and changing.
and there will be changes that need to be made as i go along.
the early building i did will have to change.
will just have to.
and then all the other changes life brings......
it all has to happen.
and i want it to happen.
i want to have growth.

i'm headin' into my 50th year.
life seems to be changing for me
and i've been feelin' unsteady and fragile.

well, wait a minute.
i closed my eyes and thought about it all.

i had a visual of a land slide...
like a mud slide kinda thing.
the mud sliding over rocks down a hill.

that's what my life feels like right now.
just slidin' along.

well.......heck..........what if i kinda go with it???
all these poking things.......they're helping me see who i am
and helping me refine exactly what it is i want in my life.
they're helping me clean my gutters.

and that mud slide???
it doesn't have to be so scary where i feel so fragile.

it's my chance to go with that flow.
and my chance to know that i can and will land into good things.
and that the debris and clutter can and will be cleaned out.
and that that is a really good thing.

i'm puttin' out to the universe....i'm okay with this.
i'm on board.
i will flow with it all.
and i'll pay attention and clean out and move on as i should.

and now i have a visual of me ridin' the mud, and slidin' along....
and grinnin'.......