i really can't cut hair...

she had joked that she wanted me to cut her hair before.
and i always joked back that she REALLY didn't want me to.

then it got to the point where i just told her it was a really
bad idea, that i didn't know how and she'd hate me and i just
didn't want to.

but she's elderly.
and i know that now it's really a big deal for her to get out and
get it cut. she can't tilt her head back for the washing and well,
i know it's a big deal.

so a few days ago i said i could if she really really wanted me to.
but still insisted it was a bad idea. i don't know how. and it's
just a bad idea.

and there, today, out on her carport, i cut her hair.

i was really nervous.
just to even brush it.
i didn't want to sang it and pull it and hurt her.

so even just brushing it scared me.

and then, as i ran the brush thru her hair, i thought of how good
that must feel to her.

how nice it must feel to have someone playing with your hair.
so i brushed it more than i had to.

and i realized this was a very good idea.
even if i totally messed it up.

i clipped here and leaned over here and looked close and
clipped a little more here. she had a mirror at some point
and was directing me.
she laughed and said together we made a good team.

i smiled.

when i finished, she was thrilled.
just thrilled.
and we sat outside and talked for a good long time.

and i told her that it felt really girlfriendish and it was
great fun that we had done it and now i would be her regular
hair dresser if she wanted.

she wanted.

i smiled as i walked home.
i can't cut hair.
but it didn't matter one bit.

i can love her.
and that's what that car port was filled with.

sometimes i'm so thick headed.
i forget that's all i really really need to do.