exploring

i usually hop right outta bed.
but this morning, i turned the light on and lay there for a moment.
i was just getting ready to get up when i heard them.

two of my favorite neighbors hollerin' across the street at each other.
in a good way.

i stopped.
settled back into my pillows and just lay there and listened.
i couldn't tell what they were saying.
i could just hear the tones, the rhythm of their banter, the laughter.

i lay there listening, smiling and just soaking that in.
i loved how it was still dark outside, people were still asleep
and they were just hollerin' back and forth like it was the middle of the day.
i loved that part.
they kept at it a bit too.
it was more than just a good morning.
i smiled bigger the longer they went on.
when i heard one of their cars pull out, i got up.

i love the good nature between these men.
both really good guys who would laugh with you at the drop of a hat,
and be there for you for anything.

'this is part of what it's all about.' i thought.

i've been trying to figure out 'what's the point' of life.
just starting.
gathering pieces and like a puzzle laying them on my kitchen table.

this is one of the pieces, i thought.

out walking, i passed the guy who lives around the corner.
an older guy who was having some health issues. i haven't seen him
to find out how he's doin'. but there he was.
i walked up his driveway and asked him about his health.
he filled me in.
both he and his wife have had some pretty big issues.
i stood there listening, concerned and reminding him that it might
just take some time to heal and to be gentle with himself.

i barely know this guy. but he had told me about his heart condition,
and i cared.
i really did.

as i walked away i thought 'that's got to be another piece of it all.'
and i mentally put that puzzle piece on my kitchen table and continued
walking.

i passed my elderly neighbor's house, went up her driveway to grab
her recycling bin and put it out. wow. it was heavier than usual.
she couldn't carry that.

glad i saw it, i plopped it down for the recycling guys to get and
kept going. not too far down the street, i heard her hollerin' a thank
you at me, she had come out to put it out. i turned and waved,
hollered back and kept going. i felt the feeling of love we were shooting
each other's way.

okay, love and caring and people working together....it's all part of
the point. i  know that. but i don't know why.

and yeah, i know, i may never know why.
and maybe that makes it all the more wonderful.

maybe.
i can see that.

i'm just not ready to quit looking.
i want to put all kindsa pieces of the puzzle on my table.
i want to see what i come up with.....
i want to explore.

i'm dabbling with some buddhist book that i think is sayin' we make up
what's good and what's bad. we put judgments on things. i think i have
a lot more to learn about it....cause i get part of that for sure. but these
pieces i put on the table this morning....they all have love in them. and
well....i don't think i make that up as good. i don't know. i'm sure i'm
missing the point.....like i say, i'm exploring.

but right now.......i'm watching the love and knowing it matters.
that's as far as i've gotten.

which, yeah, isn't that far.
but maybe that's it.