Wednesday, October 26, 2011

exploring

i usually hop right outta bed.
but this morning, i turned the light on and lay there for a moment.
i was just getting ready to get up when i heard them.

two of my favorite neighbors hollerin' across the street at each other.
in a good way.

i stopped.
settled back into my pillows and just lay there and listened.
i couldn't tell what they were saying.
i could just hear the tones, the rhythm of their banter, the laughter.

i lay there listening, smiling and just soaking that in.
i loved how it was still dark outside, people were still asleep
and they were just hollerin' back and forth like it was the middle of the day.
i loved that part.
they kept at it a bit too.
it was more than just a good morning.
i smiled bigger the longer they went on.
when i heard one of their cars pull out, i got up.

i love the good nature between these men.
both really good guys who would laugh with you at the drop of a hat,
and be there for you for anything.

'this is part of what it's all about.' i thought.

i've been trying to figure out 'what's the point' of life.
just starting.
gathering pieces and like a puzzle laying them on my kitchen table.

this is one of the pieces, i thought.

out walking, i passed the guy who lives around the corner.
an older guy who was having some health issues. i haven't seen him
to find out how he's doin'. but there he was.
i walked up his driveway and asked him about his health.
he filled me in.
both he and his wife have had some pretty big issues.
i stood there listening, concerned and reminding him that it might
just take some time to heal and to be gentle with himself.

i barely know this guy. but he had told me about his heart condition,
and i cared.
i really did.

as i walked away i thought 'that's got to be another piece of it all.'
and i mentally put that puzzle piece on my kitchen table and continued
walking.

i passed my elderly neighbor's house, went up her driveway to grab
her recycling bin and put it out. wow. it was heavier than usual.
she couldn't carry that.

glad i saw it, i plopped it down for the recycling guys to get and
kept going. not too far down the street, i heard her hollerin' a thank
you at me, she had come out to put it out. i turned and waved,
hollered back and kept going. i felt the feeling of love we were shooting
each other's way.

okay, love and caring and people working together....it's all part of
the point. i  know that. but i don't know why.

and yeah, i know, i may never know why.
and maybe that makes it all the more wonderful.

maybe.
i can see that.

i'm just not ready to quit looking.
i want to put all kindsa pieces of the puzzle on my table.
i want to see what i come up with.....
i want to explore.

i'm dabbling with some buddhist book that i think is sayin' we make up
what's good and what's bad. we put judgments on things. i think i have
a lot more to learn about it....cause i get part of that for sure. but these
pieces i put on the table this morning....they all have love in them. and
well....i don't think i make that up as good. i don't know. i'm sure i'm
missing the point.....like i say, i'm exploring.

but right now.......i'm watching the love and knowing it matters.
that's as far as i've gotten.

which, yeah, isn't that far.
but maybe that's it.

2 comments:

Compassion said...

"watching the love and knowing it matters" YES, YES, YES!

Perhaps it is as difficult and simple as that... watching the love, adding too it, using it when we need it, always watching, always knowing it is there, just a breath away... Love.

Yup... kind of a huge thing that love thing... especially love in action.

Compassion said...

"watching the love and knowing it matters" YES, YES, YES!

Perhaps it is as difficult and simple as that... watching the love, adding too it, using it when we need it, always watching, always knowing it is there, just a breath away... Love.

Yup... kind of a huge thing that love thing... especially love in action.