for nancy

she died last year.
and it's been one i haven't wanted to hold.
we weren't  'close' in any regular way.
but she touched me and her heart changed me
and i just haven't wanted to hold it.

but they're finishing her book for her. and putting submissions
of friends in it as well.

and so this morning i finally sat down and just cried about her passing.

i didn't know i would.
but i should have guessed.

it was a spontaneous thing.
i've been meaning to write,
and this morning i just didn't feel like starting up all the regular
work and digging right in. i wanted to be quiet.

i watched one hand grab a piece of paper and saw the other
one hover over a pencil and a pen. it picked the pen and i watched.
and i sat there and thought of her. and i began to write.
and cry.

because she was loving and kind and talented and sooooo beautiful.
and if anyone flies with the angels, she does. and i hate it that we lose
each other. i really do hate that part.

for nancy.....

'gentle, kind and generous, you opened your heart to me.
when i admired your talent and your being, you smiled and
reminded me of my own worth.
and somehow, i believed in it a little bit more because of you.

and now, i picture you among the angels, showing them beauty
in a way even they have never seen.
and i know you are everywhere there is color.'