much to learn

so the lesson's been buzzin' around my head for awhile now.
in so many different buzzy forms.

okay!
okay!
i hear you!
stop already.
i'll think about it!

and i've been thinking about it a lot lately.

it's more of the learning what's mine and what's not mine.
the learning of letting go of stuff that belongs to other people.

it's basically the 'nobody asked you for your opinion, ter.' stuff.
i've been playing with this for awhile now.

but it's got a lot of different flavors that go with it.
there's a lotta threads to it.
and i'm really starting to see a whole bunch of them.
and trust in the process of life is soooo at the bottom of it all.

i've been thinking about people i let in and ask advice from.
it's a select few. people i totally trust who's opinions i value.
i go to them in a heartbeat.
it's not a whole huge crew. it's a select few.
cause that's how we work.
we've got those really close people we count on.

i forget that's how people work.
i think just cause i care, and have a thought that  i think could help,
i can offer it.

that's so not true.

even with the few people i go to, it works way better when i go
to them and ask for help rather than them just piping in when they
think i need the advice. i hear better when i ask.

giving advice is a delicate thing.

and then........what's the reasons i would give advice?
when nobody asks??
that's a great thing to look at.

so i've been watching me.
and the things i've wanted to say here, and there.
some of these people have asked me my opinions before,
and some very obviously haven't.
and none of them are asking now.

what is that about, girl? why the need to speak?

and i feel like i've hit a gold mine of stuff to look at.
with each situation, the answer's different.
how cool is that?
it gives me lots of different perspectives to choose from.
to learn from.
'wanting to help' seems mixed in all of it....and some sort of
arrogance that i have an answer.
and at the bottom of it all? total lack of trust in the other person's process.

sigh.
that's not help.
and when it comes down to it, i trust way more than i act like most times.

i just forget.
i just act without thinking.

lately i've been thinking a lot about it.
and i see....people live their lives just fine. when they really want some help,
they ask. and it's really okay to wait for people to ask.

i've blogged about this recently.
but it keeps coming back up into my face.

i think i have much to learn here.
and so i bring it up once again.
and probably a hundred more times.
til i get the hang of this....

it's truly okay to hush up and just tend to my own life.
it truly is okay.