thoughts from the road

it was an hour drive home from the funeral.
gives ya plenty of time to think.
i kept the music and the radio off.
just wanted to be with my thoughts.

i asked myself what i'd want said at my funeral.
and it was a mish mash of a two parter.

the first thing that came to mind was this -

'terri cracked open her ribs and lived with her heart wide open.'

that's what i really want said with sincerity.

terri lived.

so um.......like i'd better pay attention to that.
cause if that's what i want, then i want to do it with all i have.

i do pretty good.
i know that.
but you know how it goes, there's always room for improvement.
and i wanna move in on that improvement.
stop the darn stupid hiding.
that kinda thing.
believe in myself more.
that stuff......

so the shifts that have been happening inside of me lately -
the stuff about accepting myself more and that kinda stuff,
well it got even more exciting as i drove along.
because i know that stuff will head me more in the direction i want to go.

and the other thing will sound weird at first.
hopefully it will make sense when i'm done.

'when terri was a jerk, she eventually caught it and adjusted herself.'

grinnin' here.

'jerk' is my word i use for people who don't realize the feelings of others
around them.

and i swear, my lesson lately is i'm not as innocent as i think i am when it
comes to hurting others.

let's face it, it goes with the territory of being human.
i get that.
but the more aware we are, the less likely we are to do it.
and sometimes i'm just not aware.

as soon as i become aware, i adjust myself.

and that matters a ton to me.
even if the other person has no idea i've adjusted anything,
as long as i know i did, that's what counts to me.

i spose that could be reworded to something like -
'while a little slow on the uptake sometimes, terri eventually would see
those around her and act with love.'

those two things.
that's what i'd like said if i could pick.

and i smiled as i drove along.
cause it certainly puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?

i'd suggest it for everyone -
figure out what you'd want said,
and then go make it happen.

here's to the gift of being here today.
here's to making it all we can.