it's time

i am forever talking about 'seeing'....

seeing myself, seeing others.
it's gotten so that my significant guy
right away knows if we have a problem
he goes right to 'you're not feelin' seen.'

not only that, he will throw that out at
me too in regards to him!

ahhhhh, we've come a long way...

to equally see yourself and others....well,
that's quite a thing to do. quite a balance.

and i think that's gotta be the goal there.

and well....me and balance....well...good thing
it's a long term goal!

i was thinking about it all thru the walk today.

i can sense a shift in me. a big, quiet, profound
one.

it came in with the monsters.
the desire to truly want compassion towards myself.
first time i ever really had that desire.

and now, the desire to balance the seeing more.
i think they go hand in hand.
to have the compassion for myself, i gotta see myself.

i gotta look.

i've known that all along.
and all along it's been a crazed, desperate feeling.
i GOTTA do it but HOW?!

this time it's a quiet feelin' of 'okay...it's time
to do this.'

wow. i like quiet way better than crazed.

i'm not even thinking about how.
i just keep thinking 'it's time.'

now. let's see if i put my money where my mouth
is.....