my lamp shook....

i got up early this morning.
gotta take the patient up to his doc visit.
it's a bit of a haul up so we gotta leave
early.

figured if i got up early, i might just sneak
out for a walk in the dark.....

so there i was, making my bed.
and i started thinking about how poorly some
people were treating me. and i got fiesty.

i thought 'ya know, i really don't deserve
this garbage and i'm just done with it.'
and i was just filled with one big
'whatever.'

it felt sooooo good.
and i thought about it.
i've had this really 'well, maybe i deserve
some of it' attitude all along.
and ya know....that is just so wrong.

just so wrong.

i didn't deserve any of it.
and it's been a long long time.
way past any length of time for people to
get over it.

so i'm makin' my bed, grinnin' and deciding
i'm done with this stupidity and movin' on
in such a strong way.

i'm feelin' fiesty, bold, good, strong, and
really together.

when there's a loud THUMP against my wall.
i look over and my lamp is shaking.

ohhhhhh.....

i'm standing there next to my bed, with my
hands on the blankets looking at a lamp
that's shaking.

and suddenly i don't feel fiesty, bold and
really together anymore.

what was THAT?!

it's dark out.

i pull up the shade, feeling very exposed
as i do....but thinking i need to look
somewhere.....

it's dark.
i can't see a thing.

the motion light isn't on, so that's good.
uh.
i think.

it came from the other room.
the wall against this one.

great.

i'm not goin' down there.

great.

i stand there.

yo.
let me wake yo.
it's almost time for him to get up
anyway. i just need someone's voice.

the only times i wake yo are not good.
he knows that.
so he gets up with a 'what's wrong?'

nothing.
my lamp just shook.
i heard this thump and my lamp shook.

laughin' as i recall this.

poor yo.

we looked around a bit.
didn't find anything.

but it totally unsettled me.

no walk in the dark for me this morning.

there's things that go bump out there.
or maybe they're in here.

and i'm feelin' all crawly on my arms.

and i'm laughing.

what happened to bold and strong and
fiesty???

well.....there's different times for different
things.

so i think back to what i was thinking of when
i was making the bed.

those people.
treatin' me bad.
it's been way too long.
and it's way too stupid.
and i'm way way done.

they can't hurt me anymore.
cause i don't care anymore.

they aren't any threat to me anymore.

other things will come and threaten me.
cause that happens.
like my thump.

and that's okay.
cause i gotta keep learnin' how to take
care of me.

like not walkin' in the dark today.

but that other stuff?
it's old news.
and i have learned how to take care of me
with that.
it's over.
i'm done.

like for real.
done.

not my deal.

way cool!


time to forget that past and pay attention
to the now. and i totally felt it inside me.

which reminds me...........where's my flashlight??