Tuesday, June 30, 2015

something to consider

i have been losing myself in mark nepo's writing lately.
i'm now engrossed in his book, 'seven thousand ways to listen.'

he said something in there that i thought was really worth all of us
thinking about. so i thought i'd share -

'Facing our inner divisions is the first step to knowing where we need
to rejoin ourselves. You cannot set bone until you know where it is
broken, and you cannot set upon the journey of individuation - of
becoming a whole person - until you know where and how you are
divided.'

i love the 'divided' word.
not broken.
divided.

i really love that choice of words.

and i love the thought.
i couldn't answer you where i thought my inner divisions are right now.
and i think that's one reason i love this.
it's really something to chew on and consider.

thought some others might enjoy it as well.......

Monday, June 29, 2015

a moment in the coffee shop...

god's been on my mind.
i'm not even sure how to explain it.
cause i don't believe in the kinda god a lotta people do.
i talk about god like i do tho, cause it's just easier to use the words that way.

and i guess that's it -
i wanted to find my own words.
i wanted to find some sort of way to describe god.
describe what i mean by god.
i wanted to paint my god with words.

so i went down to the coffee shop and thought about it.
scribbled some stuff down.
and saw - i had no words that worked.
none.

i was right next to a window watching the breeze blow thru the leaves of
the trees outside, i was looking at the sky - that for me is sooo much a symbol
of god....and i couldn't do it. how do you catch the energy that's in between
what you see? how do you catch the life in the living?

so i started writing about how i couldn't do it.

and i watched my hand moving the pen.....
the way it just glided along, writing words....
and i thought.....there's god.
right there.
in whatever is moving my hand.
but how do you capture that?

stuck, i went up to refill my coffee cup.

there was a young woman there filling the napkin holder.
i smiled, said hello, asked her how she was as i helped myself to the coffee.

we chatted for a moment.

and just as i was about to turn back and head to my table,
she asked 'and how are you?'

she didn't have to.
it wasn't necessary.
it was easy to end it all where we were.

but she asked.
and she sounded like she cared.

i smiled, answered her and joked.
that was on the outside.

on the inside things just kinda stopped for me.
and i felt......really FELT....how god was right there.
right there between us.

i had absolutely no words to describe what i meant,
but i was overwhelmed with the feeling.

and for a MOMENT i really understood how god is everywhere.
i went back to my table sure i had no words for what i was feeling.
but still so grateful for the moment and how it filled me.

i decided to drive home and be in my yard with the sky.
as i headed out of the parking lot, i saw some people crossing into a store.
they looked as if they forgot god was there.
'they just forgot.' i thought.

we all just forget.
and sometimes we just close the door on it all.
but it doesn't go away.
whatever that is that i can't describe -
it doesn't go away.

we do.
it doesn't.

and for a moment i really really understood that.







Friday, June 26, 2015

sillies

the fear.
and the trying to protect thru the fear.
oh my gosh.
when will we EVER learn?

i just watched someone stuck in their fear,
and tryin' really hard to protect themselves.
they finally let go and seem so much happier.

they don't seem any more safe than they were before....
but way happier.

well, gosh,
couldn't we just say that about me recently?
and me lots of times.

it's so much easier seeing it in someone else.
it just makes so much sense that all that struggle they're doing
to stay safe and protect themselves is a waste and a wrestle they don't need.
sillies.
and we need to be patient til they figure it out.
sigh.
and...
yeah.
it's so easy to see when someone else is doin' it.

really.

but when we do it?
it seems so necessary.
it seems so important.
it seems so consuming.

sigh.

sillies.

it doesn't help a thing.
hurts a ton.
and slows us down.

i see it clearly now.
now let's see if i can live it clearly for oh.....
maybe a full weekend?

gonna try.



Thursday, June 25, 2015

it's a good ol' age.

it's a good ol' age.
this being 'older'
it's a good ol' age and i really saw that as i sat and talked with a friend today.

we talked about a whole lotta different things.
and i gotta say our age showed thru the topics.
in a really cool way.

there's been a lotta learning along the way,
a lotta growing, and more and more understanding sinking in.

and then we talked of things we loved to do -

and we can do them now.
we have the time to do them now.
and we're no longer in that place where we gotta give ourselves away over and over again.

it's our time.

so we've got this time,
we've got these passions,
and we've got a little more understanding of life.

i came home from the meet up feeling inspired.

it's a good ol' age.
and it's up to us to make it ours.

toasting 'older' women and who we've grown to be!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

god's pinky

i held my breath when i read mark nepo refer to the sea as
god's smaller face in the world.

how perfect.

and the phrase popped into my head last nite as i was standing in the
middle of my yard looking up at the sky.

a strong storm was rolling in.
the clouds were churned up, moving swiftly in circular motions.
the different shades of gray were many
and here and there were holes of light shining thru the layers
and layers of power and energy.

i was completely taken with the force above me.

and i thought of that phrase -

god's smaller face in the world.

i was intimidated standing under such power,
i was in awe of the energy that was so beyond me,
and i was moved by the breath taking beauty of it all.

i noticed how full of emotion i was -
and thought if i i felt this full under a stormy sky -
imagine what it would be like standing in front of god.

'this feeling here would be equivalent to seeing god's pinky!' i thought.
and laughed.

what would it be like to stand before god?

not sure i want to.
and yet, not sure i don't.



Tuesday, June 23, 2015

uncle

ya know,
i can be so darn thick headed.
the best thing in my life lately has been havin' this goofy guy of mine here.
this whole co-habitation thing has been deeply wonderful.

and um.....
i gotta say, i dragged my feet a bit.
grinnin'.
okay.
a lot.

i dragged my feet a lot.

gosh, if we could look down at the path of my life,
we'd find a whole lotta dragged feet marks along the way.

so here i am, draggin' my feet with more things,
and it occurs to me -
the last thing i dragged my feet with has been really really good once i let go.
i am living that joy right now.

so.
how about with other stuff???

i think it's time.

no, this isn't an over nite letting go of for sure.
i've been deeply dug in for a bit now.
but i think today i'm letting go and letting life lead me.

i honestly think i've had enough wrestling.

and i'm ready to be led.

funny,
i feel my inner child coming alive again.
go figure.

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Monday, June 22, 2015

heel marks

i don't do a lotta fridge magnets.

as a matter of fact - i only have three.

i'm a minimalist when it comes to fridges.

two hold up the only photo i have there.
it's of my partner and i.
it's on the side of my fridge and right where i can see it when i cook.
one magnet is the cat and the hat.
and the other says 'i'm very receptive to compliments today.'
they remind me to keep the child like play alive in my relationship
and to always be free in telling the good stuff.

then i have my 'real' magnet.
the one that i'd leave there if there wasn't anything else at all on the fridge.

the one that i saw in the store and laughed right out loud when i read it.
the one i didn't buy because i was budgeting.
the one my friend who was with me secretly bought for me after she saw my reaction to it.

it says quite simply -

'let go or be dragged.'

i honest to pete think that is one of the best things that has ever been written.

and as many times as i've glanced at it, laughed again, and nodded for
the thousandth time, it always feels true.

that's exactly where i am with a certain place in my life right now.
and i gotta be honest,
there's marks in the path where my heels have dug in while i've been dragged along.

big sigh.

let go or be dragged.

dragging doesn't feel so good.

i'm workin' hard on letting go.
and i think that's my problem.
i don't think letting go is so much about work.
and trying.
i think it's just doing.

i keep at it.
loosening one finger at a time.

i'll get there.
cause this whole dragging this is......well.....
dare i say?
a total drag.

sorry, i couldn't help it.  :)

let go or be dragged.
still, as hard as it is right now, that's one of my all time favorite sayings.








Friday, June 19, 2015

a rain storm


there's been a lot on my heart lately.
stuff i haven't been able to control,
friends who are hurting.
morons who won't shut up.
people who aren't thinking things thru.
and it's made my heart heavy.
over and over again, i have gone to my yard for peace.
it always comes thru.
but the sadness......it's been staying for awhile now.

so when the storm rolled thru yesterday,
i shoulda realized that's why i was drawn to my back porch.
to just be with the energy of the earth.
to bring my sadness to the storm.

it rolled in with gusto
and poured and poured and poured.
i couldn't sit there any more.
i HAD to be in it.

of course, it wasn't really smart as there was still thunder around,
but i couldn't help it.

i had a bucket filling with water under my gutter.
i went right over.
it's like being in a waterfall.
(yeah, i need to check my gutter)
i took the bucket and poured it in my little pond where i had
just earlier discovered tadpoles.
back and forth from gutter to pond,
i filled the bucket
and poured it out again,
talking to the tadpoles and the rain.

the practical reason, if anyone asked, would be to fill my pond.
but my pond didn't need it.
i did.

and then i sat on the steps and watched the storm leave.

the sun was right behind it.
one of those storms where the last rain drops are in the sunshine.

and i watched the bright sun hit the wet leaves.
and the glimmer that was born!
my entire soul just filled up with it.
and without even realizing where it was coming from,
i just kept hearing 'YES!'
my whole being felt like the word yes.

in the back of my head, i knew there was some poem by
e.e. cummings with yes in it.

after taking it all in,
feeling the healing of the storm waters
and the water diamonds among the leaves
i went in and looked up the poem.

here's a piece of it -

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

i thought it was so cool how the poem had filled me without
my even really knowing what the poem said.
i definitely went beyond understanding it -
i lived it.

and once again, the earth soothed me.



Thursday, June 18, 2015

and pop went my eyes...

i just read something that made my eyes pop!
where else? mark nepo's book.
could be any of 'em - but it was in 'the endless practice.'

he mentioned the story of aladdin's lamp.
i only know it from my memories as a kid.
but i know enough that i love this thought -

he says 'the lamp is home for a powerful genie that will serve
whoever rubs, caresses, and cares for the lamp.'
and then he goes on to say that WE are the lamp and the
powerful genie lives inside each of us!

bam!

he speaks of the origin of the word 'genius.'
i first heard this when i heard elizabeth gilbert talk -
and i remember loving it -
genius originally meant 'attendant spirit'
and everyone has a genius.
and, of course, you can call that many different things -
inner wisdom......our soul.......i've even called it 'butterfly woman.'

there isn't a doubt in my mind that we all have our own inner genie.
not one doubt.

and yet...
there's a thousand ways i forget.

when my eyes pop because of a gorgeous reminder,
i know it's time for me to remember.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

and my gardens call....

a safe place for me is my garden.
actually - gardenS.
i have gardens all around my house.

this morning as i went out to put something outside,
i got sidetracked with one of them.
i stopped and started weeding it.
knowing i only had a few moments...
but i didn't care,
i really needed to be there.

it felt good to know that.
it felt right to claim the moment.

i found myself talking to the plants.
something i do constantly every time i'm out there.
but i seldom notice.
this morning i noticed.
and i noticed how normal that is for me.
i noticed how comfortable i am out there.
i noticed how while i was tidying up the garden
and nurturing the plants,
my insides were also getting a cleaning and a nurturing.

there's something about the plants -
their aliveness, their beauty -
they quietly and gently touch inside me.

and i'm wondering why i don't go hang out with them every single chance i get.

why is that?
why is it that the things that feed our souls
aren't always at the top of our list of places to spend our time?

excuses like heat, humidity and bugs fill my head.
and i laugh at how i can misdirect myself over and over again.

and how mild discomforts can end up leading me.
shouldn't the deep comfort take charge?

i'm thinking yes.

i am so thinking yes.




Tuesday, June 16, 2015

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Monday, June 15, 2015

a reminder


sometimes there are phrases or sentences or even just words
that someone will say while talking to me,
and without them even realizing it,
the world inside my head stops a moment
and something inside me reaches out
and catches those words in mid air.

this happened the other day with these words -

'it may not be what you want, but it's what you got.'

bam.

i never know what it will be or when.
but something happens inside me.
and it truly is like everything stopping
and something being caught and tucked away inside my mind.

i have said many many times to friends in tough places
things like - 'okay, this is what's been dealt, and we gotta
figure out what we're doing with it.'

so i think the fact that i say that kinda thing shows i think
in that fashion. maybe that's what sparks the echo of someone
else's words. it hits on how i think and speaks so directly
to me i have to turn my face to it.

i really like the thought.
sometimes you can change something.
and i'm all in favor of changing things for the better.
but sometimes they're not yours to change.
and it may not be what you wanted,
but it's what you got.

and i think when you realize that,
you can move forward.

at least for me, i tend to wallow.
and if something isn't like i want,
i wallow about that.
and if i can't change it,
i wallow with extra wallowiness.

i get stuck on the fact that it's not what i wanted.
and then kinda remain in a stuck holding pattern.

if you stay there, you end up being a victim.

if you move forward, you're doing just that - moving forward.
and that's what i want. these words help me get unstuck.

in thinking about this, i realized it can fit for anything from these darn ants
that keep invading my house, to serious grief over a loss.

it may not be what you want, but it's what you got.

then you figure out what you wanna do with that.

of course.
we all knew that.
it's just that i forget way too often.
and need the reminder.






Friday, June 12, 2015

thinking

i've been struggling for days with how to deal with something.
and no, this has nothing to do with my new roomie.
altho, it's prolly something to really keep in mind for everything,
including him.

here's the first thought - the struggle has been hard.
which feels like a real bummer.

today is the first day i can see that it may not be a bummer at all.
it may just be something i really really need to struggle with.

just thinking that kinda changes the game.

okay.

so if i agree to that,
maybe i can loosen up the tightness i feel inside.

and i think i can.

and i think in that loosening i can loosen the tightness all around.

the other thing i realized yesterday was really all i could do was deal with
my own self. can't change anyone else, and no one else is asking for my
feedback. soooooo it's me i gotta focus on.

and that right there is huge.

where you put the focus.

and i think there's a natural course to how that focus happens.
it's gonna naturally focus on the other person at first.
i'm not enlightened, and that's just plain ol' normal.
focus outside yourself for the change.
yeah.
that never gets me very far.
funny how that's still my first place of focus.

but having learned a lot as i've traveled,
i can accept that the focus might not be in the healthiest place
to start with - but it's up to me to turn that focus to the spot that needs it.

me.

not anyone else.

i had the thought yesterday and also knew that i had a lotta emotions
inside me and i wasn't gonna just be able to turn the focus with a click of the fingers.

again, progress.
there's a certain respect for allowing my own timing.

and it's now, this afternoon, i feel like maybe i can really start to focus where i need to.

focus on the things that make me feel safe, seen and happy.
and focusing on the journey itself.
the growing that i'm doing right now.
and keepin' my eye on the love that i want to live.

sigh.

there's still some decent bummers i'm sure i'll experience thru this struggle.
but maybe i can keep my eye on the path and take it where i need to go.

watchin' the trees blow in the wind outside my window and feeling like
everything is just where it needs to be.......even now.
gonna try to keep that in mind.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

sharing julie

i just 'met' julie yesterday.
i offered to spread her book in our newsletter before i even knew what her book
was about. when she sent me a link that explained the book, everything just
stopped over here.

wow.

talk about putting life in perspective.

you'll find her link in our newsletter next week.

but i am so moved right now, i wanted to share it here as well.

take a moment and check julie out.
you can find her here.

julie, thank you for this offering.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

inspiration

i was lucky enough to get to go see an awesome musical last nite - 'newsies.'
it was fabulous and full of youthful guy energy.
i love that energy.

and it was perfect timing as i had decided that today i was gonna sink my teeth into my life.

since i was out late and up super early, a little inspiration was definitely needed.

now, i realize i'm not a youth. and i'm not a guy.
but that energy.
ohmygosh.
it lit me right up.

and it created a really interesting contrast for me as well.

before the show, i sat people watching.
i saw a lotta different people go by in the city.
and only TWO of them were smiling.
that was it.

granted, the work day was ending, people had worked
long hours, i'm sure. and it was warm out. and i'm sure people
were tired.

but my gosh.
only TWO people smiling?

there was just a real lethargy i was seeing everywhere.

and then.
bam!
dancing and singing and energy bursting off the stage.

i sat there wanting that energy.
certainly not wanting the other.

i'm lucky enough i can have it.
well, maybe not exactly.
like i say, not a youth, not a guy.
but! that healthy alive 'i wanna live' stuff -
yeah, i can have that.
and just the fact that that is an option, is a huge huge gift.

it's up to me.
it's up to how i care for myself,
and what i give my time to.
it's what i eat, what i don't eat.
it's what i think and what i focus on.

talk about inspiration for my sink my teeth into life day.

it's our day.
our life.
what energy do you want to choose?
what energy are you lucky enough to have a choice in?




Tuesday, June 9, 2015

yard lessons

a few years back when my street was widened,
they put in a drainage ditch along the edge of my front yard.
well, everyone's front yard.
not just mine.
just one of those normal ditches you see everywhere.
it's grassy and just lets the water flow down the street.
i've got a pipe under the driveway.
that kinda thing.

no big deal.

until i go to mow it.

then it feels like a canyon.

well, the first few times of the season that i mow it, that is.

my gosh,
maybe it's more accurate to say it feels like a mountain.

a canyony mountain.
the great divide.
the embarrassing it's really not that big, why is it so hard to mow?? spot.

whatever it is, it's been difficult.
i grunt, and push, and push harder, and sweat, and
almost lose my shoes right off my feet as i try to push that mower
along. seriously, i've had to bend down and tie my shoes tighter.
and seriously? it's not that big a ditch.

so i notice it.
cause i can't figure out why it's so hard for me.

and i've watched.
and i see it's become easier.
ha!
i figured my arms were getting stronger.
that's cool.

and then a couple of weeks ago, something weird happened.
it was fun to mow.
i actually got a kick out of it.
and i tried to figure out why.
and i felt like i was dancing with it.

so then this whole new concept came into my brain.
'dance with the ditch. learn it's curves. move with it.'

cool, right?
but the next time wasn't that easy.
darn.
i'm not dancing so great.
i was a little bummed about that.

so each time is different. but mostly getting easier.

kinda like a lotta life's challenges, i thought today as i mowed it once again.

this ditch is a lot like life.

my attitude goin' into it all definitely matters.
the more i listen and groove with it, the easier it is.
i get stronger and stronger as i go along tryin' to deal with it.
sometimes it's so darn aggravating and sometimes it's funny.
and sometimes it just is.

it really is a lot like life.

i decided i needed to play with the ditch.
use a different visual each time i mowed it.
today in trying to decide if it was a canyon or not -
i couldn't figure out if canyons got windy.
seems like every time i'm over there, there's a breeze.
so i pictured a windy canyon.
then got stuck on the facts.
are canyons windy?
and then i laughed at the sheer craziness of my trying to be factual
as i make up a visual.

a car drove by just then and i said to myself 'let's make the cars be bears.'
and then i really started laughing. yeah, let's be factual as we make this stuff up.

so okay.
i found a new playground.
in a place that's been a challenge to me.

and i realized as i wiped the sweat off my face today,
i really can learn a lot about living life right here in my yard.



Monday, June 8, 2015

go figure

so this was one of those 'wow, terri, you really have come a long way' moments.

my guy and i really could not be much more different on the top level of life stuff.
there was quite a lotta amusement about that fact goin' on while we did some moving
in of his stuff this weekend. honest to pete, we couldn't be much more opposite.

and in knowing that, and in realizing that my house is completely and totally me,
i wanted to make a few changes to let him know that i really did think of it as
his place too now. i want it to be a place where both personalities can feel at home.

ahem.
well, that's a challenge.

ask this artist's new roommate what his favorite color is and he'll tell you camo.
i kid you not.
let's just take a moment and breathe that in.

things like this are the things that freaked me out years ago and convinced me 
we could never co-habitate. 

little did i know that i would get so comfortable with who this guy was,
that i would actually pick out and purchase a CAMO rug for our living room.
(who even knew they had such a thing???!)

okay.....it's not as horrible as it sounds.
turns out, for those of you not in the know, there's many different kinds of
camo to choose from. and this one actually works okay.

i know. i know.
i really do know.

but!

when i saw it had been delivered on my porch as i pulled in with a load of his
stuff, i squealed in delight. perfect timing!

and when we got it down and put his couch with it - ohmygosh, i actually liked it.
go figure.
and to me it just shouts out 'i love you and i love who you are.' every time i see it.
i think the rug at least whispered that to him as well.

gonna top off the housewarming goodies with a camo bedspread for the bedroom.

and yes, i actually laughed out loud as i typed that.

and yes, i'm actually delighted.
i am the world's biggest nester and aesthetics mean everything to me.
and i woulda never ever ever believed this would happen.
but what totally thrills me is this -
there's enough of me all over the place, that i'm not only perfectly fine with
making room for him - i WANT the differences mixed together.

i actually think our differences are part of our beauty and i'm celebrating them.

what used to scare me now has become embraced.
and that has taken years to happen.
years of work.
years of trust.
years of respect.
and i gotta tell ya, it feels way way good.

Friday, June 5, 2015

smiling big, eyes wide......and here we go!

my life is changing this weekend.
that guy of mine is finally moving in.
i gotta tell ya, i wasn't sure this day would ever come.
between the two of us, it's been a long time happening, baby.

i read something years ago about decisions.
it said to make one and see how your insides react.
pay attention to your reaction as it tells you a lot.

i was pretty darn scared to actually make the decision -
but once i did, wow......it totally felt right.
and except for a few panic moments here and there,
i have been giddy with excitement and carrying a deep knowing that it's time.
today i can hardly contain myself.

and the significance of what we're doin' makes me eyes go so wide.

it's hard as i want to type out the really cool stuff.
but ahhhhh he's way more private than i am.
so i am respecting that.

but the general part of it all is what i'm celebrating here -
the overcoming of fear and the stepping into love over and over again.
the messing up, the trying over, the learning of each other that we are constantly doing
and the teaching each other how to love.

i don't expect bliss.
i really don't.
i expect a whole big learning curve.
and i think i'm more excited about that than bliss.
cause i can see how far we've both come and how much we've both grown together.
and to me, that's the coolest thing ever.

taking each other's hands, we go further down the road.
seriously? what more could i ask for?



Thursday, June 4, 2015

a great question

i was reading mr. nepo last nite. and he talks about connecting with each other
and he says 'I want to feel the one certainty on which your life stands, so I
can have the courage to show you mine.'

whew.

so i stopped right there and asked myself 'what's the one certainty on
which my life stands?'

i've got some vague answers floating around.
but if you asked me that at a party, i'd only be able to give you vague paragraphs.

i want to be able to answer that.
REALLY answer that.
the thing tho - he's not asking for it in words.
he's asking to FEEL it.

i think he would feel it if he was standing there talking to me.
i honestly do.
so how come i can't put it into words?
yet i know i carry it around with me?

i think this is so cool.
and something to really mull.

and i thought maybe someone else would enjoy it as well.
so i'm sharing.

:)

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

toasting our survival systems

i heard from someone the other day who has DID.
(that's the split personality thing)
she told me a little bit of her story, and yeah, she had a really good reason to have that.
i've met quite a lotta people with DID thru bone sighs,
and i've never heard a story where it didn't make sense to me that these people had this 'disorder.'

thing is, mostly people feel ashamed of it, or uncomfortable talking about it.
at least, that's what i've experienced with the people i've met.

and i just don't see it the same way.
granted, i don't have to live with it.
and i can see that it is a terribly difficult thing to have to deal with.
i get that. it's never lost on me.

at the same time tho, i am amazed and impressed that the people survived what
they did how they did.
i so wish we talked about it more because i think it's terribly misunderstood,
and incredible what the mind can do to protect a person.

then i got to thinking about all kindsa things that go on with all of us.
'mental' things.
and how much we fight them and hate them being there.

we forget that our bodies/minds are truly trying to work with us and help us.
and honestly, the extent that they do that is incredible.
i think this holds true with every single one of us.

and i think the more we can see that, the more we can work with ourselves.
and the more we build the trust in ourselves.

so, today, i'm taking a break and toasting all the stuff inside me that can
feel crazy that i fight and thanking it for being there and trying to help.

and for those out there who have to struggle with living with DID,
i toast your unstoppable spirit and your ability to survive.

i hope one day we can all openly talk about this stuff and help each other heal.






Tuesday, June 2, 2015

yes!

my man, mark nepo, said it in one sentence -

'For me, the purpose of faith is to be buoyant in the ocean of all there is.'

he also said 'I'd rather experience it than name it.'

gosh, i couldn't love him any more.

wanted to share.
and thought that was so beautiful, i didn't want to clutter
it with any more than that.......


Monday, June 1, 2015

josh's car visual that really worked for me.

i'm not sure i can relay this good enough.
but i really want to try.
it's josh's thought.
and hopefully he'll blog it.
but since i know he gets busy,
and this thought really tickled me and i've been smiling about it all day,
i wanted to share.

he was helping me see that i had done all i could do in a certain situation.
that to do anymore would be dysfunctional.
and he likened it to driving.

if you're on the road, driving along in the right lane,
and someone drives right up behind you and tails you
acting like you're in the way,
all the while the left lane is clear and is totally free for them to pass,
well then that's on them.
that's not your deal.
it would be totally dysfunctional and wrong to pull over to the shoulder
so they could pass.

that was it.

is that brilliant to anyone else?

for some reason that just put something into perspective for me.

you can give what you can give to people,
but it's not just on you.
they're in this too.
and there's choices.
and sometimes the choices are really theirs.
and all you can do is keep driving the best way you know how.

okay.
i honestly have NO idea if that makes any sense to anyone else,
or if anyone else needed that thought.

but i gotta tell you,i love it.
and have been really relishing it all day.

honk! honk!