it was just one of those weird moments -
i had a visual of this opening inside of me.
this opening that led way down deep into the place where my sky lives.
where the stars shine with the glory of the soul.
where the beauty of who you really are and the vastness of the love that's beyond us meet.
it was one of those moments where i could see more than i normally can see.
then days later, i decided to play with my camera.
i walked outta my house, saw something i wanted to take a shot of.
had the camera in one hand, recycling in the other.
had to put the recycling in the bin.
then, oh yeah, i needed to put the bin out by the street.
and by then i was in the front of the house.
there were so many things waiting to have their picture taken.
but no, i wanted to take that one shot first.
the one i first noticed as i walked out my back door.
before i got distracted with other things.
this is very unlike me.
i'm pretty haphazard when i'm playing.
but not this time.
went back around the house.
took that shot,
then wandered around taking a few more.
then got interrupted.
wasn't til the next day i put the photos up on my computer screen.
and when i did, i gasped.
the very first one that i had insisted on going back for -
it was what i had visualized a few days before!
i didn't enhance it in any way......it was just there.
and i kinda sat there just staring at it.
and i smiled.
cause it's a picture of a tree -
where the tree got cut.
it made me think of my white tree poem.
and it made me remember.
deep inside us all is a vastness filled with stars.
some days we really need to go back and remember that.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
the best chocolate cake EVER...
i love to play.
i tease that in my next life i want to come back as an otter.
and when people join in with me or around me,
it just makes me happy.
recently, there's been a lot more playin' on my facebook page.
silly stuff.
stuff that you wouldn't think would matter.
but what just happened was so priceless in so many ways,
i have to share the story. it really does matter.
i wonder if they'll mind if i use their names???
ha.
too bad.
it has to be done!
but then if i change names that will totally confuse them and making everything more fun!
okay.
that settles it.
names will be changed.
until the VERY end!
i started out by teasing lou about the power of suggestion
and blaming him for my lawn mowing that day.
lawn mowing is a theme with me.
lou hops in bringing up chocolate cake.
good food is a theme with all of us.
lou is a darn tease and knows that's gonna tempt me big time.
turns out he's not just making me drool, but sally is drooling as well!
sally apparently is having one of those days and feels like a dragon,
but the cake idea is cooling her fire.
sally and lou chat and goof a bit and then doris pops in just laughing
and enjoying it all.
because it's just darn fun.
i have gone off in search of frozen bananas....
i want to make banana pudding, but get sidetracked with blueberries
and come back to see much banter goin' on and lou baiting me by
announcing he used to date one of my best friends.
you know this brings me back into it all.
well, lou was having a weird moment and was thinking of someone else,
my banana pudding was melting only for me to find out lou was
delirious and didn't date any of my friends ever.
this prompts more bantering.
alice pops in reading all this and laughing.
there are more cake mentions. i suggest we put rocks in lou's cake as
he's a darn pill.
alice now posts delicious looking cake photos on my wall,
and on and on we go.
there's talk of music as lou is a musician and he mentions where he's playing
that weekend.
sally is feelin' like a tamer dragon,
alice has come out to play these days and it's nice to have her.
doris is eggin' us on and enjoyin' it all.
and there's general laughing goin' on between us all.
the next day cake comes up again.
this time louise brings up a memory of a really atrocious looking cake i made once.
more laughter and bantering and more chocolate cake with rock references.
it's just simple good natured fun.
and THEN lou comes back days later to tell us that SOMEONE had
a chocolate cake with his name on it brought to his table when he was doin' his gig.
the waiter mentioned to 'be careful of the rocks inside.'
HOW COOL IS THAT?!
oh.my.gosh.
it went from facebook to real life.
and lou had no idea who did it.
(and i have to point out....that lou and i have met in real life,
and louise and lou are friends in real life.
but no one else had met lou for real before.)
he posted a picture of the delicious looking cake up for us all to see.
and wondered who the heck did it and named the suspects.
and with facebook, it could have been anyone, ya know?
this thrilled me.
just thrilled me.
lou was really touched.
i mean, who the heck wouldn't be?
how could you not feel special?!
and it was just such a fun thing to do.
if i had thought about it, i woulda guessed right away who did it.
but i didn't even think about it.
i was just so taken with the act of fun kindness and silliness.
and totally inspired by it.
it was when i saw the comments under the picture and saw one person
write 'ha!' that i immediately knew who did it.
and of course she did it. she's so full of delight and fun and would totally do this
kinda thing. as a matter of fact, she's done so many delightful fun things for me
as well, that it came as no surprise.
now, i know some personal stuff about the culprit. and sometimes she just doesn't
realize how wonderful she is. so, while lou got to feel special and got some great
cake - and we all got to be part of something really fun - and i got totally inspired
in the doing-fun-things-for-someone department - i think what's made the biggest
impression on me is that the giver mostly doesn't know how awesome she is.
and i want her to see herself thru my eyes - thru our eyes.
even just for a moment.
if we could all just see the delight we are to each other, how awesome would that be?!
and you, aimee, (alice) are a delight.
more than you'll ever know.
thank you for making all of our lives brighter.
and thanks for inspiring me to be more than i am.
here's to les,suzanne,diane,lynn (oh josh, i forget you again!) josh too -
and my aimee.
you guys add much zest and life to my days!
the world needs all of you!
and for the record - les didn't save any of us a piece of cake.
i tease that in my next life i want to come back as an otter.
and when people join in with me or around me,
it just makes me happy.
recently, there's been a lot more playin' on my facebook page.
silly stuff.
stuff that you wouldn't think would matter.
but what just happened was so priceless in so many ways,
i have to share the story. it really does matter.
i wonder if they'll mind if i use their names???
ha.
too bad.
it has to be done!
but then if i change names that will totally confuse them and making everything more fun!
okay.
that settles it.
names will be changed.
until the VERY end!
i started out by teasing lou about the power of suggestion
and blaming him for my lawn mowing that day.
lawn mowing is a theme with me.
lou hops in bringing up chocolate cake.
good food is a theme with all of us.
lou is a darn tease and knows that's gonna tempt me big time.
turns out he's not just making me drool, but sally is drooling as well!
sally apparently is having one of those days and feels like a dragon,
but the cake idea is cooling her fire.
sally and lou chat and goof a bit and then doris pops in just laughing
and enjoying it all.
because it's just darn fun.
i have gone off in search of frozen bananas....
i want to make banana pudding, but get sidetracked with blueberries
and come back to see much banter goin' on and lou baiting me by
announcing he used to date one of my best friends.
you know this brings me back into it all.
well, lou was having a weird moment and was thinking of someone else,
my banana pudding was melting only for me to find out lou was
delirious and didn't date any of my friends ever.
this prompts more bantering.
alice pops in reading all this and laughing.
there are more cake mentions. i suggest we put rocks in lou's cake as
he's a darn pill.
alice now posts delicious looking cake photos on my wall,
and on and on we go.
there's talk of music as lou is a musician and he mentions where he's playing
that weekend.
sally is feelin' like a tamer dragon,
alice has come out to play these days and it's nice to have her.
doris is eggin' us on and enjoyin' it all.
and there's general laughing goin' on between us all.
the next day cake comes up again.
this time louise brings up a memory of a really atrocious looking cake i made once.
more laughter and bantering and more chocolate cake with rock references.
it's just simple good natured fun.
and THEN lou comes back days later to tell us that SOMEONE had
a chocolate cake with his name on it brought to his table when he was doin' his gig.
the waiter mentioned to 'be careful of the rocks inside.'
HOW COOL IS THAT?!
oh.my.gosh.
it went from facebook to real life.
and lou had no idea who did it.
(and i have to point out....that lou and i have met in real life,
and louise and lou are friends in real life.
but no one else had met lou for real before.)
he posted a picture of the delicious looking cake up for us all to see.
and wondered who the heck did it and named the suspects.
and with facebook, it could have been anyone, ya know?
this thrilled me.
just thrilled me.
lou was really touched.
i mean, who the heck wouldn't be?
how could you not feel special?!
and it was just such a fun thing to do.
if i had thought about it, i woulda guessed right away who did it.
but i didn't even think about it.
i was just so taken with the act of fun kindness and silliness.
and totally inspired by it.
it was when i saw the comments under the picture and saw one person
write 'ha!' that i immediately knew who did it.
and of course she did it. she's so full of delight and fun and would totally do this
kinda thing. as a matter of fact, she's done so many delightful fun things for me
as well, that it came as no surprise.
now, i know some personal stuff about the culprit. and sometimes she just doesn't
realize how wonderful she is. so, while lou got to feel special and got some great
cake - and we all got to be part of something really fun - and i got totally inspired
in the doing-fun-things-for-someone department - i think what's made the biggest
impression on me is that the giver mostly doesn't know how awesome she is.
and i want her to see herself thru my eyes - thru our eyes.
even just for a moment.
if we could all just see the delight we are to each other, how awesome would that be?!
and you, aimee, (alice) are a delight.
more than you'll ever know.
thank you for making all of our lives brighter.
and thanks for inspiring me to be more than i am.
here's to les,suzanne,diane,lynn (oh josh, i forget you again!) josh too -
and my aimee.
you guys add much zest and life to my days!
the world needs all of you!
and for the record - les didn't save any of us a piece of cake.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
my energy had gotten heavy.
i noticed it and wasn't liking it.
things like getting tired easily.
or not laughing as much.
or just plain ol' feelin' heavy.
or dwelling on the negative.
'i need to raise my energy' i announced to my family.
and yeah, i did.
but so?
what the heck you gonna do to do that?
i didn't know.
but i was aware of it.
so i tried things.
tried to laugh more,
tried to enjoy more.
tried to appreciate more.
tried to just keep moving around more.
but it was just that - trying -
not always pulling it off.
and when i pulled it off, still not feeling the realness of it.
and i wasn't sure how good trying was gonna be without the realness.
but that's the reason i was trying -
i didn't have the realness.
so i didn't see any other choice.
and now i'm thinking trying and moving around are a good combo -
even when it feels too forced.
because today i feel totally different than i have for days!
i do believe i've had an energy shift.
and i'm thinking a lot of it has to do with trying to shift it.
feels good.
there's times i'm legitimately gonna just feel down.
and i need to allow those times.
but there are times something's just stuck inside that needs
a little jostling......
i want to know when to jostle, and how to jostle.
you'd think i'd know by now.
but i'm just learning........
i noticed it and wasn't liking it.
things like getting tired easily.
or not laughing as much.
or just plain ol' feelin' heavy.
or dwelling on the negative.
'i need to raise my energy' i announced to my family.
and yeah, i did.
but so?
what the heck you gonna do to do that?
i didn't know.
but i was aware of it.
so i tried things.
tried to laugh more,
tried to enjoy more.
tried to appreciate more.
tried to just keep moving around more.
but it was just that - trying -
not always pulling it off.
and when i pulled it off, still not feeling the realness of it.
and i wasn't sure how good trying was gonna be without the realness.
but that's the reason i was trying -
i didn't have the realness.
so i didn't see any other choice.
and now i'm thinking trying and moving around are a good combo -
even when it feels too forced.
because today i feel totally different than i have for days!
i do believe i've had an energy shift.
and i'm thinking a lot of it has to do with trying to shift it.
feels good.
there's times i'm legitimately gonna just feel down.
and i need to allow those times.
but there are times something's just stuck inside that needs
a little jostling......
i want to know when to jostle, and how to jostle.
you'd think i'd know by now.
but i'm just learning........
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
shhhh.....did you hear that?!
excuse me, i think that was god!
did you hear that? i do believe it was god!
shhhh! listen! it's god!
those are some of the reactions i've had in my head
when i hear a certain set of wind chimes do their thang in my yard.
other reactions include stopping in my tracks and just listening with awe.
or stopping right underneath them and looking up.
or just smiling at them as i walk by.
now, i have a fair amount of wind chimes.
scattered all around my house.
and yet - this one set -
well, their sound is god to me.
and sometimes, i think it's very important to have a god sound
that just randomly puts life in perspective for you.
did you hear that? i do believe it was god!
shhhh! listen! it's god!
those are some of the reactions i've had in my head
when i hear a certain set of wind chimes do their thang in my yard.
other reactions include stopping in my tracks and just listening with awe.
or stopping right underneath them and looking up.
or just smiling at them as i walk by.
now, i have a fair amount of wind chimes.
scattered all around my house.
and yet - this one set -
well, their sound is god to me.
and sometimes, i think it's very important to have a god sound
that just randomly puts life in perspective for you.
Monday, August 25, 2014
a very cool moment
saturday nite when i went to sleep, i knew i was in sore need of gentle.
i craved it.
and decided that sunday i would go 'in search of gentle.'
our rail trail came to mind.
(they've got 'em all over the country, and if you don't know about them,
you can check to see if there's one nearby you)
(you can click here for more info)
i love ours so much.
every time i'm on it i remember how beautiful maryland is.
i remember how beautiful the world is.
and it fills me with gentle.
so that was definitely on the list.
i chose to walk instead of bike.
there's so many wildflowers out now, i feel like if i bike,
i'll go too fast and miss everything.
so i walked and looked and soaked it all in big time.
i soaked and soaked and soaked it in.
at one point, i just sat down with it all.
and as i was sitting there quietly,
somewhere behind me, i heard a tree fall.
i heard it!
and i have no idea why, but that felt so important to me.
to hear it.
to witness it going down.
i didn't see it.
but i heard it and felt it.
i sat there for a bit just kinda being wowed.
and then i wrote this -
'she heard a tree fall.
as she sat there.
she heard it fall.
'maybe sometimes the world gets to be too much
for them too,' she thought.
and then realized that at least she would be able to stand again -
and as the tree lay on the ground,
she understood how much she wanted to live.'
it was a very cool moment.
i craved it.
and decided that sunday i would go 'in search of gentle.'
our rail trail came to mind.
(they've got 'em all over the country, and if you don't know about them,
you can check to see if there's one nearby you)
(you can click here for more info)
i love ours so much.
every time i'm on it i remember how beautiful maryland is.
i remember how beautiful the world is.
and it fills me with gentle.
so that was definitely on the list.
i chose to walk instead of bike.
there's so many wildflowers out now, i feel like if i bike,
i'll go too fast and miss everything.
so i walked and looked and soaked it all in big time.
i soaked and soaked and soaked it in.
at one point, i just sat down with it all.
and as i was sitting there quietly,
somewhere behind me, i heard a tree fall.
i heard it!
and i have no idea why, but that felt so important to me.
to hear it.
to witness it going down.
i didn't see it.
but i heard it and felt it.
i sat there for a bit just kinda being wowed.
and then i wrote this -
'she heard a tree fall.
as she sat there.
she heard it fall.
'maybe sometimes the world gets to be too much
for them too,' she thought.
and then realized that at least she would be able to stand again -
and as the tree lay on the ground,
she understood how much she wanted to live.'
it was a very cool moment.
Friday, August 22, 2014
empty talk....
choices.
choices.
choices.
CHOICES.
and the universe plopped example after example in front of my face -
what choices are you making that help you grow and become more?
what choices are you making that are making you stuck and stifled?
wow.
i've listened to a lotta good talk the last few days that was just that - TALK.
there weren't any actions behind the words at all to back up the talk.
in fact, there was plenty of actions that were the opposite.
oh man.
so we know somewhere deep inside of us it's up to us.
and we know the right words to say to make it look like we're goin'
in the healthy direction.
it's actually a little stunning at how people seem to know that and feel
the need to paint a certain picture of it happening......
when it's not happening at all.
so many different walks of life, so many different personality types -
and yet - the empty talk was all the same.
this weekend when i snuggle in with my most trusted friend in the universe,
i'm gonna ask for some help in seeing my own empty talk.
because i'm pretty sure a lotta times we don't even know we're doin' it.
and i'm seein' what the power of empty talk does.
wow.
and i want to meet it head on with the power of facing it.
choices.
choices.
CHOICES.
and the universe plopped example after example in front of my face -
what choices are you making that help you grow and become more?
what choices are you making that are making you stuck and stifled?
wow.
i've listened to a lotta good talk the last few days that was just that - TALK.
there weren't any actions behind the words at all to back up the talk.
in fact, there was plenty of actions that were the opposite.
oh man.
so we know somewhere deep inside of us it's up to us.
and we know the right words to say to make it look like we're goin'
in the healthy direction.
it's actually a little stunning at how people seem to know that and feel
the need to paint a certain picture of it happening......
when it's not happening at all.
so many different walks of life, so many different personality types -
and yet - the empty talk was all the same.
this weekend when i snuggle in with my most trusted friend in the universe,
i'm gonna ask for some help in seeing my own empty talk.
because i'm pretty sure a lotta times we don't even know we're doin' it.
and i'm seein' what the power of empty talk does.
wow.
and i want to meet it head on with the power of facing it.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
staying present
you'd think at 53 i would know how to cope with the world.
but as evidenced by yesterday's blog, i just don't sometimes.
i notice it a lot when i try to help someone i know with alzheimer's.
it's been getting pretty bad for her lately.
and some of the help i give her is the kinda help that breaks your heart.
and rattles the soul.
and totally leaves me feeling unable to cope.
on the outside, i think i look like a steady person you can count on for help.
on the inside i feel completely unhinged.
as i drove down to lowe's to get many copies of her keys made,
knowing we'd be losing a lot of them,
i could feel my soul rattling all over the darn car.
how do you 'accept' someone losing their mind?
how do you watch as they keep enough of their mind to have plenty of ego
that gets bruised by the indignity of the disease and feels angry,
embarrassed and an intense need to blame something other than what's
happening to them?
how do you witness bad choice after bad choice that you know is leading
down one awful pathway to disaster?
well, i guess i do all that by getting completely unhinged on the inside.
so i drove the back roads to the store.
thinking that if i had to handle the traffic on the highway, i might just come
completely unglued, i drove with the trees and talked to myself as i went.
that helps me.
even trees whizzing past on the road seem to help calm me down.
life is scary.
what can happen to us is so freaky terrifying.
and when we really look at the lack of control -
well it's the stuff that brings us to our knees.
i don't want to do this.
i don't want to watch her leave this way.
i don't want to have the anger and confusion aimed at me.
i don't want to deal with any of the suffering.
i don't.
and then.
when i stop and think about it.
really really think about it.
i understand that i do want to be a part of this.
that i want to be there if i can.
for me.
and that means getting a grip as much as i can.
it's a choice.
i can become unhinged to a point,
and believe me, i totally will.
but only to a point.
because i really really want to be present.
and my gosh, sometimes i find that so very hard.
but man, i want it.
but as evidenced by yesterday's blog, i just don't sometimes.
i notice it a lot when i try to help someone i know with alzheimer's.
it's been getting pretty bad for her lately.
and some of the help i give her is the kinda help that breaks your heart.
and rattles the soul.
and totally leaves me feeling unable to cope.
on the outside, i think i look like a steady person you can count on for help.
on the inside i feel completely unhinged.
as i drove down to lowe's to get many copies of her keys made,
knowing we'd be losing a lot of them,
i could feel my soul rattling all over the darn car.
how do you 'accept' someone losing their mind?
how do you watch as they keep enough of their mind to have plenty of ego
that gets bruised by the indignity of the disease and feels angry,
embarrassed and an intense need to blame something other than what's
happening to them?
how do you witness bad choice after bad choice that you know is leading
down one awful pathway to disaster?
well, i guess i do all that by getting completely unhinged on the inside.
so i drove the back roads to the store.
thinking that if i had to handle the traffic on the highway, i might just come
completely unglued, i drove with the trees and talked to myself as i went.
that helps me.
even trees whizzing past on the road seem to help calm me down.
life is scary.
what can happen to us is so freaky terrifying.
and when we really look at the lack of control -
well it's the stuff that brings us to our knees.
i don't want to do this.
i don't want to watch her leave this way.
i don't want to have the anger and confusion aimed at me.
i don't want to deal with any of the suffering.
i don't.
and then.
when i stop and think about it.
really really think about it.
i understand that i do want to be a part of this.
that i want to be there if i can.
for me.
and that means getting a grip as much as i can.
it's a choice.
i can become unhinged to a point,
and believe me, i totally will.
but only to a point.
because i really really want to be present.
and my gosh, sometimes i find that so very hard.
but man, i want it.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
tears
i sat down to write a blog.
and stopped at the news first.
oh man.
that completely stopped me in my tracks.
and while i avoided the graphic images of james foley being beheaded,
i couldn't avoid the overwhelming sorrow that flooded over me.
i wrote his name down.
i wanted to know it.
and i cried for everybody.
including the people who did it.
and i knew there were millions of stories equally as horrible that aren't
put on vid for the world to see.....but are there.
and i couldn't write my blog.
i know that it's important to add light to the world, and to try to share
the positive and the healthy.
but for today i wanted to take a moment and just weep here for the
cruelty and hatred that just seems to keep feeding itself.
i just needed to pause.
and to look at it.
and to say 'i see.'
and to take a moment before getting back up and trying again
to believe in the light.
it makes me think of a bone sigh i wrote after the tragic shooting in norway -
'the darkness comes.
blackness surrounds.
overwhelmed, i fall to the ground.
and there, with my arms covering my head,
and with my tears soaking the earth,
wanting to block everything out,
it makes its way thru the pain.
it finds me.
the light i can't stop believing in.
the light that somehow will not die.
finding me again,
it tells me to stand and let it shine thru me.
tears still wet on my face, i stand.
choosing to believe, i face the world again
with light in my eyes.'
('for norway'...you can find it here.)
right now i'm still on the ground.
and want to take a moment here........
...tears watering the ground.
...tears all over the earth...
and stopped at the news first.
oh man.
that completely stopped me in my tracks.
and while i avoided the graphic images of james foley being beheaded,
i couldn't avoid the overwhelming sorrow that flooded over me.
i wrote his name down.
i wanted to know it.
and i cried for everybody.
including the people who did it.
and i knew there were millions of stories equally as horrible that aren't
put on vid for the world to see.....but are there.
and i couldn't write my blog.
i know that it's important to add light to the world, and to try to share
the positive and the healthy.
but for today i wanted to take a moment and just weep here for the
cruelty and hatred that just seems to keep feeding itself.
i just needed to pause.
and to look at it.
and to say 'i see.'
and to take a moment before getting back up and trying again
to believe in the light.
it makes me think of a bone sigh i wrote after the tragic shooting in norway -
'the darkness comes.
blackness surrounds.
overwhelmed, i fall to the ground.
and there, with my arms covering my head,
and with my tears soaking the earth,
wanting to block everything out,
it makes its way thru the pain.
it finds me.
the light i can't stop believing in.
the light that somehow will not die.
finding me again,
it tells me to stand and let it shine thru me.
tears still wet on my face, i stand.
choosing to believe, i face the world again
with light in my eyes.'
('for norway'...you can find it here.)
right now i'm still on the ground.
and want to take a moment here........
...tears watering the ground.
...tears all over the earth...
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
a birthday thought from years ago....
i thought it was my god-daughter's birthday today.
so, now i'm not so sure.
how's that for a lame godmother?!
but i'm pretty sure it is.
she'll be 18.
on her 13th birthday, her mom had a special gathering for her,
and i made her a bone sigh.
i tried to think of what it was i believed and what i would want to pass on to someone.
and i came up with this.
thought it would be a good day to post it -
'there's something inside of you,' she said.
'a flame.
a gorgeous flame of light.
every action you take affects the flame.
some actions make it shine brighter.
some make it flicker and dim.
and some grow it and make it bigger inside.
every moment counts to this flame.
every action matters.'
she held her face to the girl's and whispered,
'dance with honesty and trust thru your journey
and you will grow your flame.
grow your flame,
and you will ignite the world.'
(you can find it here...)
along the way i have figured out that 'honesty' and 'trust' are two
concepts that can take an entire lifetime to understand.
but i figured that was for later birthdays....i still had some figuring out to do.
so, now i'm not so sure.
how's that for a lame godmother?!
but i'm pretty sure it is.
she'll be 18.
on her 13th birthday, her mom had a special gathering for her,
and i made her a bone sigh.
i tried to think of what it was i believed and what i would want to pass on to someone.
and i came up with this.
thought it would be a good day to post it -
'there's something inside of you,' she said.
'a flame.
a gorgeous flame of light.
every action you take affects the flame.
some actions make it shine brighter.
some make it flicker and dim.
and some grow it and make it bigger inside.
every moment counts to this flame.
every action matters.'
she held her face to the girl's and whispered,
'dance with honesty and trust thru your journey
and you will grow your flame.
grow your flame,
and you will ignite the world.'
(you can find it here...)
along the way i have figured out that 'honesty' and 'trust' are two
concepts that can take an entire lifetime to understand.
but i figured that was for later birthdays....i still had some figuring out to do.
Monday, August 18, 2014
going a little deeper....
there's a rumi quote i have loved for years -
'let the beauty of what you love be what you do.'
i have always been struck by this.
but i don't think i went deeper than the surface when thinking about it.
i would mostly think of my work.
and kinda 'apply' it to that part of my life.
maybe bein' with my kids too.
it just seemed like a really pretty thought that i liked to imagine i was doing
a lot of in my life.
but this past week, that line has been echoing inside of me in a new deeper way.
i have been thinking of the ways i can apply it in my life when i'm feeling
unsettled about something or feeling less than satisfied.
in those cases, it's so easy to focus on my needs that i don't think are being filled,
or my fears that are causing self doubt or some kinda inner turmoil.
so in trying to think of a completely made up easy example that gets the point across -
i came up with this....
let's say you're standing in line at some store and you're feelin' grouchy about the line
or the people in it or whatever - it's all making you grouchy for some reason.
so you're feelin' grouchy and annoyed.
and then what if you think of that quote?
and decide to be it.
to live it.
be the beauty of what you love.
well, that would certainly change everything, wouldn't it?
that's what i mean.
taking that thought, turning it way inward and applying it in those moments
that are lacking something for you.
maybe what they're lacking is our own adding of that beauty.
ha!
i've been liking this,
playing with it,
and watching it work.
i stumble plenty.
even with it flat out right in front of my mind,
even with me quoting it to myself as i'm trying.
a doubt or fear will come in equally as loud.
but even so....even with the wavering......i keep goin' back
and focusing on that idea.
and i love it.
if only i could make this a life time habit!
'let the beauty of what you love be what you do.'
i have always been struck by this.
but i don't think i went deeper than the surface when thinking about it.
i would mostly think of my work.
and kinda 'apply' it to that part of my life.
maybe bein' with my kids too.
it just seemed like a really pretty thought that i liked to imagine i was doing
a lot of in my life.
but this past week, that line has been echoing inside of me in a new deeper way.
i have been thinking of the ways i can apply it in my life when i'm feeling
unsettled about something or feeling less than satisfied.
in those cases, it's so easy to focus on my needs that i don't think are being filled,
or my fears that are causing self doubt or some kinda inner turmoil.
so in trying to think of a completely made up easy example that gets the point across -
i came up with this....
let's say you're standing in line at some store and you're feelin' grouchy about the line
or the people in it or whatever - it's all making you grouchy for some reason.
so you're feelin' grouchy and annoyed.
and then what if you think of that quote?
and decide to be it.
to live it.
be the beauty of what you love.
well, that would certainly change everything, wouldn't it?
that's what i mean.
taking that thought, turning it way inward and applying it in those moments
that are lacking something for you.
maybe what they're lacking is our own adding of that beauty.
ha!
i've been liking this,
playing with it,
and watching it work.
i stumble plenty.
even with it flat out right in front of my mind,
even with me quoting it to myself as i'm trying.
a doubt or fear will come in equally as loud.
but even so....even with the wavering......i keep goin' back
and focusing on that idea.
and i love it.
if only i could make this a life time habit!
Friday, August 15, 2014
a moment....
the bee flew around my head,
buzzing both ears loudly -
as if they weren't full enough
from the frogs, cicadas and birds.
bold.
urgent.
strong.
his wings demanded he be noticed.
'you are heard
and you are seen
and you are precious.' i whispered to him.
and then...
paused...
and whispered the same to me.
buzzing both ears loudly -
as if they weren't full enough
from the frogs, cicadas and birds.
bold.
urgent.
strong.
his wings demanded he be noticed.
'you are heard
and you are seen
and you are precious.' i whispered to him.
and then...
paused...
and whispered the same to me.
an incredible man
while driving home last nite, i heard the most amazing man on the radio.
as i drove down the highway, i had tears in my eyes listening to him.
i pulled into my driveway and just sat there and listened.
it's about 8 minutes long.
and i wanted to share it here.
it's a reverend from ferguson.
and it was in his words that i could feel the understanding i needed come to life.
since then, i saw in the news there was a peaceful turn.
the police walked with the protesters.
i could feel my body respond to that news.
and i wondered if we were going to be able to find some gold mixed in this tragedy.
i'm still holding my breath as they just announced the name of the police officer
who did the shooting. i'm still afraid we won't rise above the violence.
and i'm still praying.
but this guy......this reverend......he touched my life yesterday.
and i think i will always carry him in my heart now.
so, of course, i had to share him......
you can find him here. the audio is at the top of the page.
the photo that started the talk is just below.
as i drove down the highway, i had tears in my eyes listening to him.
i pulled into my driveway and just sat there and listened.
it's about 8 minutes long.
and i wanted to share it here.
it's a reverend from ferguson.
and it was in his words that i could feel the understanding i needed come to life.
since then, i saw in the news there was a peaceful turn.
the police walked with the protesters.
i could feel my body respond to that news.
and i wondered if we were going to be able to find some gold mixed in this tragedy.
i'm still holding my breath as they just announced the name of the police officer
who did the shooting. i'm still afraid we won't rise above the violence.
and i'm still praying.
but this guy......this reverend......he touched my life yesterday.
and i think i will always carry him in my heart now.
so, of course, i had to share him......
you can find him here. the audio is at the top of the page.
the photo that started the talk is just below.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
the people around me....
and you thought we were done with that series.
remember it?
i asked the people around me questions about something they knew about.
something they had lived and could share.
so much wisdom out there, i wanted to share the wealth.
i was posting one a week until my friends got silent.
i had asked mary to write a post on depression.
she agreed, but it just wasn't happening for her.
until.......this week.
seems it's jolted a lot of us into talking about the subject.
her thoughts came pouring out and she posted on her blog and offered
it for my blog as well.
i thought it'd be best to just link it. then you can go browse mary's blog as well.
so i'm directing you over there for mary's thought on depression -
you can find her here.
thank you, mary, for sharing part of your journey and your heart with us....
remember it?
i asked the people around me questions about something they knew about.
something they had lived and could share.
so much wisdom out there, i wanted to share the wealth.
i was posting one a week until my friends got silent.
i had asked mary to write a post on depression.
she agreed, but it just wasn't happening for her.
until.......this week.
seems it's jolted a lot of us into talking about the subject.
her thoughts came pouring out and she posted on her blog and offered
it for my blog as well.
i thought it'd be best to just link it. then you can go browse mary's blog as well.
so i'm directing you over there for mary's thought on depression -
you can find her here.
thank you, mary, for sharing part of your journey and your heart with us....
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
gonna try....
i can't really say i'm surprised.
with what i do, i feel kind of connected to the 'mental health' side of america.
every day i find myself talking with people about topics that are far too often
held in silence.
i know there's a need - a hunger - to have these topics brought out to the light,
talked about openly and informatively - for people to know they're not alone.
i know that.
and yet, i'm still a bit taken aback by the absolute flood of responses about
suicide and depression that i've seen in this short time since robin williams passed.
this has utterly and totally convinced me that our silence has been too great for far too long.
i'm not sure what i personally can do about that.
i feel like i'm open to talking about this stuff with whoever wants to talk about it.
but this has me thinking.
maybe every single one of us has to take a few more steps into being more
deeply committed to making space for these topics.
i'm not exactly sure what that means.
but i do know, when i pay attention with something like this in mind,
opportunities show up, and i find places i can offer understanding and compassion.
when someone passes and it affects me - there's always a part of me that reacts
by wanting to do something. to offer something in their honor.
wouldn't it be absolutely wonderful to keep robin's passing in mind and heart
every single time you try to open the door just a wee bit wider to the topics
that scare us?
i'm thinking i want to try...
with what i do, i feel kind of connected to the 'mental health' side of america.
every day i find myself talking with people about topics that are far too often
held in silence.
i know there's a need - a hunger - to have these topics brought out to the light,
talked about openly and informatively - for people to know they're not alone.
i know that.
and yet, i'm still a bit taken aback by the absolute flood of responses about
suicide and depression that i've seen in this short time since robin williams passed.
this has utterly and totally convinced me that our silence has been too great for far too long.
i'm not sure what i personally can do about that.
i feel like i'm open to talking about this stuff with whoever wants to talk about it.
but this has me thinking.
maybe every single one of us has to take a few more steps into being more
deeply committed to making space for these topics.
i'm not exactly sure what that means.
but i do know, when i pay attention with something like this in mind,
opportunities show up, and i find places i can offer understanding and compassion.
when someone passes and it affects me - there's always a part of me that reacts
by wanting to do something. to offer something in their honor.
wouldn't it be absolutely wonderful to keep robin's passing in mind and heart
every single time you try to open the door just a wee bit wider to the topics
that scare us?
i'm thinking i want to try...
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
the sad news...
when i first saw the 'RIP Robin Williams' on facebook, i gasped.
i was stunned and saddened in a second.
i immediately clicked over to the news to find out what happened.
it never ever occurred to me that it was suicide.
and when i read that, i just slumped in my chair and let the tears roll on down.
losing him at such a young age is sad enough.
but losing him to his own pain just rips deep inside.
i have never had severe depression.
i've been depressed, and i've known some dark moments.
i've touched this stuff enough to imagine what it's like to be battling
the darkness for a long period of time.
i've touched it enough so that i can feel such gratitude that i haven't ever
experienced this, and yet can feel such compassion for those who have.
i get so sad when i picture the darkness he went thru.
when i picture the darkness so many go thru before they just can't take it anymore.
ah, how i just so wish i could take that pain away.
i am hoping this brings depression more to light.
makes suicide a topic we are all talking about.
and helps us to keep in mind that we are each other's candles.
we can try to offer light into the darkness.
it matters.
and when one light goes out,
it makes such a difference to us all.
rest in peace, robin williams.
and every single one of you who has gone before him because of your own battles in the dark.
you are missed.
i was stunned and saddened in a second.
i immediately clicked over to the news to find out what happened.
it never ever occurred to me that it was suicide.
and when i read that, i just slumped in my chair and let the tears roll on down.
losing him at such a young age is sad enough.
but losing him to his own pain just rips deep inside.
i have never had severe depression.
i've been depressed, and i've known some dark moments.
i've touched this stuff enough to imagine what it's like to be battling
the darkness for a long period of time.
i've touched it enough so that i can feel such gratitude that i haven't ever
experienced this, and yet can feel such compassion for those who have.
i get so sad when i picture the darkness he went thru.
when i picture the darkness so many go thru before they just can't take it anymore.
ah, how i just so wish i could take that pain away.
i am hoping this brings depression more to light.
makes suicide a topic we are all talking about.
and helps us to keep in mind that we are each other's candles.
we can try to offer light into the darkness.
it matters.
and when one light goes out,
it makes such a difference to us all.
rest in peace, robin williams.
and every single one of you who has gone before him because of your own battles in the dark.
you are missed.
Monday, August 11, 2014
sharing....
my friend, betsy, passed this to me last nite.
i didn't get a quiet moment til this afternoon to read it.
i am so glad i waited til i had some time.
i sat and cried and nodded and cried.
and had to share.
i think a lot of you know about this woman already?
i didn't. but this is the second one of her posts someone passed
my way in less than a week.
thinking maybe i need to know much more.......
you can find her blog post here.
thank you, betsy!
i didn't get a quiet moment til this afternoon to read it.
i am so glad i waited til i had some time.
i sat and cried and nodded and cried.
and had to share.
i think a lot of you know about this woman already?
i didn't. but this is the second one of her posts someone passed
my way in less than a week.
thinking maybe i need to know much more.......
you can find her blog post here.
thank you, betsy!
Friday, August 8, 2014
rock on josh!
my son josh is always up to something.
i've shouted about his latest project over here recently
as it began in full force last weekend.
he's working on a 'planetary jam session' where the whole world jams together.
you can find out more about it here.
we picked him up last sunday nite and he told us stories all the way home.
my favorite was one that was mixed in a whole stream of stories.
i like that part too as it's not something that stands out big time for josh -
it's part of the way he is. it's a story he likes. but he has lots of him.
and, that, for me, is just as cool a part of the story as the story itself.
it was the one where he talked of having a pizza in the park with a friend
of his and a homeless man.
'i didn't want to just give him money for food, i wanted to eat with him.'
that line right there is probably one of the most beautiful things i ever heard him say.
and was extra beautiful cause he didn't know it.
the man was in a wheelchair and josh continued with the story, telling of misjudging the
city traffic lights and walkin' out in the middle of heavy traffic with one hand
pushing the man's wheelchair, the other hand holding the pizza, and cars all around them.
oh man.
i laughed with delight as he said the guy in the wheelchair rooted him on and
told him to stop traffic and show them!
oh gosh. i could just picture it.
josh is one of those people who could sit with a homeless guy, a king, a scholar,
a mentally challenged person, anyone in any form and make himself at home.
i love that about him.
he's off on the second part of his journey today.
encouraging the world to jam together with music.
to bridge our gaps thru our love of sound and rhythm.
to find some kinda peace and harmony with each other.
this morning i want to stop and honor the way he brings all of himself to the world.
he reminds me that's what i want to do.
and he inspires me.
rock on, josh!
looking forward to the stories that are waiting to happen!
i've shouted about his latest project over here recently
as it began in full force last weekend.
he's working on a 'planetary jam session' where the whole world jams together.
you can find out more about it here.
we picked him up last sunday nite and he told us stories all the way home.
my favorite was one that was mixed in a whole stream of stories.
i like that part too as it's not something that stands out big time for josh -
it's part of the way he is. it's a story he likes. but he has lots of him.
and, that, for me, is just as cool a part of the story as the story itself.
it was the one where he talked of having a pizza in the park with a friend
of his and a homeless man.
'i didn't want to just give him money for food, i wanted to eat with him.'
that line right there is probably one of the most beautiful things i ever heard him say.
and was extra beautiful cause he didn't know it.
the man was in a wheelchair and josh continued with the story, telling of misjudging the
city traffic lights and walkin' out in the middle of heavy traffic with one hand
pushing the man's wheelchair, the other hand holding the pizza, and cars all around them.
oh man.
i laughed with delight as he said the guy in the wheelchair rooted him on and
told him to stop traffic and show them!
oh gosh. i could just picture it.
josh is one of those people who could sit with a homeless guy, a king, a scholar,
a mentally challenged person, anyone in any form and make himself at home.
i love that about him.
he's off on the second part of his journey today.
encouraging the world to jam together with music.
to bridge our gaps thru our love of sound and rhythm.
to find some kinda peace and harmony with each other.
this morning i want to stop and honor the way he brings all of himself to the world.
he reminds me that's what i want to do.
and he inspires me.
rock on, josh!
looking forward to the stories that are waiting to happen!
Thursday, August 7, 2014
kindness
i've been thinking about kindness a lot.
someone caught my attention recently when he said 'she's not kind.'
wow.
can you imagine someone saying that about you?
that would break my heart.
and yet, there's plenty of people you could say that about.
and thankfully, there's way more that i would never say that about!
and i guess i've been on the look out for those people - the kind ones.
so when i saw the blog name 'kind over matter' i stopped and noticed.
after connecting on twitter, i asked her to share with me her favorite blog post that she has.
and she did so this morning.
when i read it, i fell in love with her.
this woman has my kinda heart.
i wanted to share her with you!
come check out lara, and her beautiful kind heart!
lara, thank you for touching my world!
someone caught my attention recently when he said 'she's not kind.'
wow.
can you imagine someone saying that about you?
that would break my heart.
and yet, there's plenty of people you could say that about.
and thankfully, there's way more that i would never say that about!
and i guess i've been on the look out for those people - the kind ones.
so when i saw the blog name 'kind over matter' i stopped and noticed.
after connecting on twitter, i asked her to share with me her favorite blog post that she has.
and she did so this morning.
when i read it, i fell in love with her.
this woman has my kinda heart.
i wanted to share her with you!
come check out lara, and her beautiful kind heart!
lara, thank you for touching my world!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
food for thought
this will be an odd post.
i'm gonna share a vid here that is pretty heavy.
it's one of the manson girls talking of her 'life after manson.'
i saw it on facebook.
i thought it was worth sharing as i felt there was a ton of food for thought in it.
but also knew that it would strike up some raw feelings.
but felt that too was part of the reason to share...
when something is that raw and awful, can we find any good in it?
when our feelings of outrage or horror are stirred, what can we do with that?
what are our feelings of justice and what does that mean to us?
why?
have we ever looked at our thought process there and questioned it or tweaked it?
how much is a reaction to fear?
is that valid?
can we forgive?
do we want to?
if we don't want to, do we feel there are limits to forgiveness?
do we know them?
are there limits to forgiving ourselves?
are we our worst punishers?
i talk of gold in the darkness.
sitting on death row at 23 seems pretty dark.
did she indeed find some gold?
does it matter if one person finds gold after killing many others?
do we care?
does it matter what the gold is?
can we believe what she says?
can we learn from her?
do we just close the door?
do we think she's inhuman - not like us.
or do we think we all have her inside us?
to bring ourselves out of our comfort zones and think about this stuff.
to try to look at what we can do to ourselves for what we believe is love.
even just those questions/ponderings made the vid worth it to me.
my unease in it all, made the vid worth it to me.
my not knowing my own answers to a lotta these questions made it worth it to me.
who am i?
who do i want to be?
that's what i walked away with.
and i'm not sure i could just answer that right off now.
whereas before the vid, i think i could have.
how interesting is that?!
i'll be mulling all day......
here's the vid if you feel like watching.
i'm gonna share a vid here that is pretty heavy.
it's one of the manson girls talking of her 'life after manson.'
i saw it on facebook.
i thought it was worth sharing as i felt there was a ton of food for thought in it.
but also knew that it would strike up some raw feelings.
but felt that too was part of the reason to share...
when something is that raw and awful, can we find any good in it?
when our feelings of outrage or horror are stirred, what can we do with that?
what are our feelings of justice and what does that mean to us?
why?
have we ever looked at our thought process there and questioned it or tweaked it?
how much is a reaction to fear?
is that valid?
can we forgive?
do we want to?
if we don't want to, do we feel there are limits to forgiveness?
do we know them?
are there limits to forgiving ourselves?
are we our worst punishers?
i talk of gold in the darkness.
sitting on death row at 23 seems pretty dark.
did she indeed find some gold?
does it matter if one person finds gold after killing many others?
do we care?
does it matter what the gold is?
can we believe what she says?
can we learn from her?
do we just close the door?
do we think she's inhuman - not like us.
or do we think we all have her inside us?
to bring ourselves out of our comfort zones and think about this stuff.
to try to look at what we can do to ourselves for what we believe is love.
even just those questions/ponderings made the vid worth it to me.
my unease in it all, made the vid worth it to me.
my not knowing my own answers to a lotta these questions made it worth it to me.
who am i?
who do i want to be?
that's what i walked away with.
and i'm not sure i could just answer that right off now.
whereas before the vid, i think i could have.
how interesting is that?!
i'll be mulling all day......
here's the vid if you feel like watching.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
a nice reminder
it'd been far too long,
but there we were gathering for coffee.
and as we all caught up on what was goin' on with each other,
i could hear one message repeating itself over and over in the stories -
'trust the process.'
that's a phrase i've used a million times.
one i sometimes do.
one i a lotta times just don't.
so i love to be reminded in ways that really resonate.
what was really cool was no one was trying to make that point.
each of us were just sharing our stories.
and that's what was whispering out to me in each one,
including my own.
i could see in the stories how the inner wisdom inside each one of us
guided us to find what we needed.
and i could see how it all really is a process.
over and over and over and over i forget.
it's a process.
and there is so much wisdom inside ourselves.
and maybe just so much wisdom whirling around us all the time.
i really need to remember to just let go and trust.
it was a nice reminder to get today.
and so i wanted to share it here as well.
but there we were gathering for coffee.
and as we all caught up on what was goin' on with each other,
i could hear one message repeating itself over and over in the stories -
'trust the process.'
that's a phrase i've used a million times.
one i sometimes do.
one i a lotta times just don't.
so i love to be reminded in ways that really resonate.
what was really cool was no one was trying to make that point.
each of us were just sharing our stories.
and that's what was whispering out to me in each one,
including my own.
i could see in the stories how the inner wisdom inside each one of us
guided us to find what we needed.
and i could see how it all really is a process.
over and over and over and over i forget.
it's a process.
and there is so much wisdom inside ourselves.
and maybe just so much wisdom whirling around us all the time.
i really need to remember to just let go and trust.
it was a nice reminder to get today.
and so i wanted to share it here as well.
Monday, August 4, 2014
something i wrote this morning...
Making knives of their words,
she cut herself over and over again.
Using a club of self doubt, she beat
herself
until her beauty fell to the floor.
Not being able to stop the blows,
she watched her own destruction with
horror.
Finally she could wound no more.
She turned and walked away -
leaving the heap of herself lying
there.
It wasn't until she came back,
lay down on the floor next to herself,
held herself gently,
washed her bruises and blood with tears
that she could feel herself even
wanting to open her eyes again.
I'm so sorry, she whispered thru her
sobs.
I'm so sorry to do this to you.
How could I have done this too?
Hanging her head in shame,
she felt a touch on her face.
Reaching up from laying in her own lap,
herself stroked her face gently and
whispered for her to hush.
That all they had was themselves.
and it was time to drop the shame
and to love each other for all they
were
and to never let each other go.
Friday, August 1, 2014
our wonderful person of the month!
wanted to stop by here and shout out our wonderful person of the month for august!
i really think a whole lot of you are gonna want to know about this woman
if you don't already!
come on over and meet dianna!
i really think a whole lot of you are gonna want to know about this woman
if you don't already!
come on over and meet dianna!
the planetary jam session!
and it begins!
we drop josh (my oldest son) off at the train station today -
he's off to start 'a planetary jam session'!!!
here's a little snippet he wrote about it -
All aboard The Planetary Jam Session! It's been said that if you change a perception of the world, you change the world. So, let's go use the power of music to bring some unity! Let's go start a worldwide jam session, and make a music video with the planet!
and here's the places you can find some information -
the #JURT - a planetary jam session and tour (facebook page)
and the JURT page on his website
i gotta admit, i've never even used the video part of my phone!
i'm truly one of those tech challenged people that is lucky i can get a text out with it -
but!! i want to support this idea for sure! so i'm gonna grab a broom and pretend
it's my guitar - or maybe i'll use the vacuum! and i'll jam along with the planet and
put it on vid. or maybe i'll just wave. but i'll do something and send it on it.
because i love the idea of adding a little fun and caring to the world right now.
sometimes i read the news and just get filled with helplessness -
feeling there's absolutely nothing i can do but watch.
today i remember that's not true.
i can hop in when someone's trying to add a little love to the world,
and i can add a piece of my heart.
thanking josh for a chance to do that.
and wishing him a great time as he begins the first leg of the Planetary Jam Session!
we drop josh (my oldest son) off at the train station today -
he's off to start 'a planetary jam session'!!!
here's a little snippet he wrote about it -
All aboard The Planetary Jam Session! It's been said that if you change a perception of the world, you change the world. So, let's go use the power of music to bring some unity! Let's go start a worldwide jam session, and make a music video with the planet!
and here's the places you can find some information -
the #JURT - a planetary jam session and tour (facebook page)
and the JURT page on his website
i gotta admit, i've never even used the video part of my phone!
i'm truly one of those tech challenged people that is lucky i can get a text out with it -
but!! i want to support this idea for sure! so i'm gonna grab a broom and pretend
it's my guitar - or maybe i'll use the vacuum! and i'll jam along with the planet and
put it on vid. or maybe i'll just wave. but i'll do something and send it on it.
because i love the idea of adding a little fun and caring to the world right now.
sometimes i read the news and just get filled with helplessness -
feeling there's absolutely nothing i can do but watch.
today i remember that's not true.
i can hop in when someone's trying to add a little love to the world,
and i can add a piece of my heart.
thanking josh for a chance to do that.
and wishing him a great time as he begins the first leg of the Planetary Jam Session!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)